One tiny, little word. So simple. So small. So essential.
Monthly Archives: June 2013
You Can’t Make Groceries or Time
Living in New Orleans, I was shocked the first time I heard a native say that they had to go “make groceries.” It wasn’t quite the “what was that noise” shock of the first time I heard a western Pennsylvanian say “y’uns,” but more of a “did I hear that crazy Cajun right” shock. Of course, they don’t “make” groceries. The phrase is the literal translation of the French phrase for grocery shopping – faire les courses. Apparently in France, they do make groceries – must be a Gallic thing. Anyway, the idiom was brought to mind yesterday during the Powerful Women forum when panelist Elizabeth Moss said that you cannot make time, you must take it.
Now, on the other hand, my mother [a brilliant woman] used to always say, “You make time for those things that are important to you.” Mother was a chemist/physicist/biochemist/teacher/nerd. Since the roots of modern chemistry are in alchemy, I’m pretty sure that witchcraft is still involved in stoichiometry. However, I’m also fairly certain that Mother and her coven fellow chemists were creating neither matter nor time. Regardless, we know what she meant, right? You find a place for those things you value.
As I mentioned yesterday, Ms Moss was referring to the necessity of doing those things that nourish ourselves. Her point was that we can’t stretch space-time to add another hour; so, we must take some portion of the 24 hours each day we all have and designate them for our own care. She said that she makes a point to read, have a cup of coffee and ease into her day. That is her ritual. It is her time with herself to get her mind ordered, in the game and ready to tackle the demands on the rest of her time. It is her time to take care of herself and she takes that time because she see herself as important. WHAT?! Yup, she values herself.
When my son was young, I read about a million parenting books. A theme I saw time and again was that by defining boundaries around person and time, a parent teaches the child to respect them. By locking the bathroom door (you know they all follow you in there), the parent says, “I am worth some time and space alone. This is my time. This is my space. You may not intrude into it.” The parent displays a healthy sense of self-worth and indicates to the child that they should value the parent, as well. How easy it is to let this slide! First we talk to them through the door, then we finally let them in, and before we know it, we have no place to get away for even a minute. We have to take that back. We have to give ourselves a sanctuary.
Ms Moss’s statement made me examine my own schedule. When I wrote it all down, I was stunned at how packed it is these days. I’m glad I did write it all down since now I know why I don’t seem to have time to get my basic housework done in the week. I have books to read and letters to write! Where is the time for that? Where is my time for myself?
The truth is, I do take time for myself and you are part of it. I don’t sell anything on this blog. I’m not monetizing it in any way [although I’m open to the idea if you know how! 😉 ]. I was asked to share my thoughts and my process on weight loss and exercise Since writing seems to be part of my soul, I agreed and am having a wonderful time doing it. It’s incredibly humbling to me the number of people [largely strangers] who read regularly, who tell me they enjoy my thoughts and who share them with others. It’s also very helpful to me in sorting my thoughts out and in focusing anew every day.
So, the time I make or take for myself involves drinking coffee that has a criminal record and sharing thoughts with you. What do you do?
Powerful Women in the Event of Loss of Cabin Pressure
I am super late posting today as this morning was spent in the company of a whole, great, big, bunch of powerful women. I had to get up before the chickens, but the event was completely worth it!
I attended Powerful Women: A Strategic Forum for Women Business Owners. The panelists were all female business owners who very candidly shared their experiences. While I heard few revolutionary ideas, I heard a tremendous amount of conventional wisdom that bears repeating on a regular basis.
- Diversity is key – We need differing viewpoints and opinions to develop sound practices and thoughts. If all we ever hear are our own thoughts and opinions (either from within or without), the flaws are reinforced – kind of like genetic mutations. With enough repetition, we can end up with the ideological equivalent of a hairless cat or Dennis Rodman – not good news in either case. In diversity, we get other perspectives on who we are, allowing us to …
- Know ourselves – That input helps us draw more realistic pictures of who we are. It is essential that our self-images be grounded in reality so that we can determine our strengths and weaknesses. Once we know those, we must ….
- Surround ourselves with good people – It’s less essential to know everything than it is to know people who know the things that we don’t know or whose strengths prop up our weaknesses. We cannot be all things to all people and that’s okay! It’s human, for crying out loud! Even with good people and our own talent, we sometimes fail. When that happens, we must …
- Accept responsibility – Few things will erode confidence in or respect for someone faster than their refusal to take responsibility for their actions, whether intentional or un, which resulted in mistake or offense. “I apologize” – two words worth more than their weight in gold. They are simple, obvious and the quickest way to allow ourselves to move on to the next step which is to …
- Pick ourselves up – If we try, we are going to fail. It happens. “Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure… than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.” Theodore Roosevelt. We have the energy to continue to try and succeed and fail and pick ourselves up because we …
- Nurture ourselves – We’ve talked about this one before. We must recharge our own batteries, else we cannot do those things which lead us to healthier lives. You know it; I know it – it’s WAAAY faster and easier to grab a couple of Tastykakes than it is to steam some veggies and bake some salmon. But that’s not going to nourish our bodies. Likewise, we have to do those things which nourish our spirits. If we allow our bodies and spirits to become compromised, we are worthless to both ourselves and to those around us.
As I said, none of these ideas are particularly revolutionary; however, they are all good, solid pieces of wisdom we should have stitched on throw pillows. And, in my opinion, the last one needs to be stitched biggest. Neglect of our own bodies and spirits is insidious and nearly invisible; however, as panelist Elizabeth Moss reminded us this morning, it’s the oxygen mask thing. “In the event of loss of cabin pressure, please secure your own mask first before assisting others.”
If we don’t take care of ourselves first, we end up with nothing to give others.
Frequent Loser Rewards
“What’s in it for me? ” I ask when my son wants something.
I joke! I kid!
But on some level, I am dead serious. On some level, this is a consideration for every decision I make and I have to give Dr. Phil the credit for making me realize it. For every action I perform, there is some payoff for me. What is it? An object? Reduced stress? Feeling of well-being having helped someone else?
Even negative reinforcement has a payoff – one that makes no logical sense, but a payoff, nonetheless. Overeating reinforces the belief in self-worthlessness. The same is true for staying in abusive relationships. Neither belief is healthy or worthy of being reinforced, but it happens all day, every day, all around us. It’s head-trash at its worst and we have to be diligent in defeating it.
To do that, what we need are some positive reinforcements – positive reinforcements that aren’t food!
Humans celebrate by feasting. We see it throughout our history from Beowulf to Attila to Oscar after-parties, we celebrate victories, milestones and power by breaking bread. When food was scarce, it meant more than it does now, though. Now, we feast every Wednesday down at the all-you-can-eat buffet and you can tell it in our waistlines. Still, we want to celebrate when we accomplish something and weight loss is an accomplishment! (I say that like you aren’t already painfully aware of the fact.) We need to reward ourselves, but hauling out the fatted calf is a little counter-productive.
So, find something that works for you!
Are you like me? Are you a movie hound? Then give yourself a movie rental or a trip to the theater for every five pounds (or whatever) you lose. I love sparkly things to the degree that my mother used to swear I was part magpie. So, fo every 20 pounds of weight I lost, I got a piece of jewelry. And, of course, I got all kinds of new clothes. Those were a necessity since my old clothes were literally falling off; but, still, the new clothes made me feel pretty, put together, and, yes, sexy. That was a real treat after so many years of feeling frumpy. Let’s face it, you can call it “flowing” all day long: that kaftan or waistless dress made me feel like I was wearing a tent and usually a floral one at that! You’ll note that Coleman does not make a line of lingerie. That’s because tents aren’t sexy, folks. Period. (No, they’re not. Stop trying to make exceptions.)
My point is this: we want to be rewarded. Sure, improved health, cuter clothes, and more positive social interaction are all well and good; but, particularly when you have a lot of weight to lose, those rewards are too far away and too abstract to really be motivating – or at least they were for me. I needed something real, something attainable, something shiny; so, I developed a system that worked for me – movies and jewelry.
Thanks to Red Box and Moonstruck Design, I had a custom frequent loser rewards program that continues to work for me!
The Two Step Doesn’t Work
A few weeks ago, I was having a terrible week at work. I mean the whole thing was just a waste of calendar space. That Friday, my boss and I were getting coffee at the same time and he asked how my week had gone. For about a nanosecond, I considered a bald-faced lie. Confession: lying makes me feel light-headed. At that moment, I hadn’t even had my first cup o’ Joe yet; so, the risk of passing out or something equally as embarrassing was high. I opted for the truth. I admitted that had I been unconscious for the week, it might have been worse, but that was probably the only way I would have cratered more effectively. To my surprise, he laughed.
Now, this is one of the reasons I have come to like and respect this man: after I told him what I had done to address the issue, he took this opportunity to encourage and instruct me. He took a crappy situation and used it to make me a better agent and a better person.
He pointed out that I had done the three things necessary to truly rectify the problem:
- identify and acknowledge it,
- develop a plan to correct it,
- implement the plan.
As a result, my professional life has improved dramatically. By now you should know that I just cannot leave well enough alone and that my mind draws parallels between things – sometimes even unlikely things – in this case, between my current professional challenge and my personal weight loss one.
I had identified and acknowledged that I had gained weight – step one. I had developed a plan to correct it – step two. But, I had yet to fully implement that plan – misstep three. Without implementation, the first two steps were nothing more than a mental exercise which is great, don’t get me wrong. But I can do mental push-ups all day long, they ain’t gonna get me back into a size six, you know what I mean?
Step three renewed my zest for exercise which has lead me back into kickboxing. I do love that and can already feel progress. I had to lay out of class on Saturday to rest my fussy knee, but I’ll find the right balance there, I’m sure. Since my son is home from college, I’m doing some weight lifting with him. That helps me switch it up, keep it interesting, build muscle and respect the knee. It’s just all around good stuff.
Bottom line: using just two steps doesn’t work. As it turns out, Schoolhouse Rock was right – three really is a magic number.
Listen to Your Heart (You Knees, Your Spine…..)
Monday night at kickboxing, we did lots of squats and lunges, really giving my knee a workout. It’s pushing back. The discomfort is coming from the tissue around the joint more than from inside it; so, I don’t think I did any damage – I just irritated the thing. But, just in case, I’ve worn my brace for three days and used modified techniques during Wednesday’s class. My knee is complaining and I’m listening to it.
When I talked about first going back to kickboxing class I gave this advice:
- talk to your doctor to make sure your body can handle it – seriously, a heart attack on the treadmill is just a buzzkill for everybody,
- consult a professional (a certified personal trainer, if possible) and ask for their help in developing a program that works for you,
- DO SOMETHING YOU ENJOY! If you hate it or just tolerate it, you’ll never stick with it.
Let me add to that: 4. listen to your body.
Now, when I say that, I mean listen to REAL complaints, not those whiny ones we make up to avoid doing crunches when we’d rather be climbing into a bag of jalapeno potato chips. (Potential TMI warning) When I set out for a long walk or run, I always empty my bladder first (never pass up an opportunity to use the restroom – life wisdom there at no extra charge). Regardless, about five minutes into my adventure, my bladder sends out distress signals a la Titanic. “Return to port! Return to port! Leak detected in the hold!” Pssst! Guess what. My bladder is lying to me.
Often when I start a workout, I begin to feel very tired and I start to think that there’s no way I can finish it; so, I should just lie down right now. Again, my body is lying to me.
I have to watch closely to discern truth from falsehood: to know when a muscle says, “I’m tired” and it’s really saying’ “I want to watch cartoons.” Or when it’s really saying, “I’m about to pull, tear or otherwise jack up your world.”
I’m fairly new to all of this fitness stuff – just a couple of years old, really; so, I’m still learning to differentiate the signals. Given the spontaneous injuries professional athletes suffer, I’m not sure that anyone can ever completely do it. However, to avoid injury and lose the ground we’ve gained, we’ve got to tune in and at least give it an honest try.
Soprano Funeral Dirge
As I told you when I started blogging, my health was the motivation for me to change my lifestyle. I had this moment of clarity at a regular check-up when my blood pressure was high enough that I was not allowed to leave until it came down. At that moment, it really hit me that either I changed my lifestyle or I might not be around to meet my grandchildren. It crystallized for me that this was my do-over and that it might be my last one. That sounds like a little hyperbole, but it’s not as outlandish as it first appears. I’m in my mid-40s – five years younger than the (as of yesterday) late James Gandolfini.
The actor carried a great deal of fat around his middle, the most dangerous fat distribution. As we discussed before, abdominal fat is linked to higher rates of cardiovascular disease. Reports are that Gandolfini died of either a heart attack or a stroke. Now, I realize that I’m making some assumptions here when I don’t have all of the facts. I do not have any kind of insider information. I’m going with the cause of death reported in the media (dangerous to trust anything in the media, I know). And I’m making a connection between that and his appearance. My conclusion is reasonable.
The man was only 51 years old. How old am I? How old are you? How long before my beloved ice cream gives me a stroke? How long before that heart-attack-in-a-sack goes off in your chest? Will we survive the wake up call or will it serve to wake someone else?
Why risk it? We have to make the changes we need to make today. Eat more vegetables. Eat less refined sugar. Eat less flour. Eat cleaner, more natural foods. Increase your activity. Walk more. Sit less. Move.
I never had HBO and never watched The Sopranos; but, I’d seen Gandolfini in other projects. I appreciated his talent and am saddened that he’s dead. The real weight on my mind right now, though, is the wife he leaves behind and his children – a teen-aged son and an infant daughter who will never know her father. It is for them that my heart breaks.
Push ‘Em Back, Push ‘Em Back, Swayback!
Babies are adorable walking around in their little diapers, rear ends poking way out. Fast forward 20 years and the rear end poking way out like that isn’t so cute anymore. It’s also not comfortable or healthy, either. I’ve held myself that way for years.
Swayback. Lordosis. Got a big, ole butt. Whatever you call it, it’s poor posture and it’s bad for your skeleton and for your look!
If my rear end was stuck out, my abdomen was, too (as a counter-weight). The result was that my already large belly appeared even larger. My hips and butt also appeared larger, but the connection wasn’t so obvious to me. Try this: stand up and give yourself a sway back. Poke your butt out one direction and your abdomen the other. Feel what happens with your hips? They roll out.
The ball and socket of the hip joint are not designed to fit snuggly when your back is swayed like that; so, the ball rolls out of the joint a little bit, widening the hips and rear.
Now, tuck your pelvis. Try to push your rear end through to the front. Feel what happens, then? Your hip sockets fit together.
Look five pounds thinner instantly!
If you do those little demonstrations in front a mirror, you can actually watch as your hips flare. Tuck your pelvis and you can see how much thinner they look.
I’ve been walking and standing sway backed for so long, my hips were seriously out of line. It has taken conscious effort to tuck my pelvis when standing, walking, running, and even sitting. When I’m standing where no one will see me and think I’ve dropped off the deep end, I do a very simple exercise tucking my pelvis and tightening all of the muscles, pretending they area belt pulling my hip joints back together. Particularly right at first, I could almost feel the joints pop back into place. I don’t feel as much movement now; but, I still do the exercises to keep the muscles strong and as a reminder, as much as anything else.
Strengthening my core muscles helps with this a great deal, as well. Rather than tucking my pelvis by pushing it forward, those strong abs help pull it forward and hold everything in place.
Since I’ve concentrated on getting rid of this swayed back, my lower back rarely hurts anymore. By moving the weight bearing back onto my hips and legs where it was always supposed to be, I’ve reduced the strain on the lower back muscles and bones that were functioning as they were never intended. In addition, my hips feel better. Again, they are functioning as they are designed to – amazing how that works!
We are all told to hold our shoulders back, stand erect. No slumping. It is just as important to remind ourselves and our children to keep our pelvises in line.
Gassing Up
When I was the interim manager of a travel agency in Starkville, MS, a coworker joked about going over to Columbus to this Mexican restaurant to “gas up.” The food was really good, but his assessment was right on the money; so, out of respect for each other, we scheduled those trips on Fridays.
My three kickboxing classes have reminded me about gassing up correctly. For Saturday morning’s class, I remembered to get up in time to prepare the only breakfast that gives me enough energy to make it through that workout – a bowl of old fashioned or steel cut oatmeal with chia seeds, milled flax seeds, cinnamon and a mashed banana. I’ve tried cold cereal. Nope. Eggs, bacon and toast. Nope. Pancakes. Nope. For me, this is the only breakfast that fuels me properly. It’s my best way to gas up. I have to eat it at least 60 minutes before class, but no more than 90. Fewer than 60 may have me nauseated, but more than 90 and I run out of gas before the third mitt drill. For my son, it’s different. He needs to eat two hours prior and he needs a meal heavier in protein.
Speaking of protein, I have been hit this week with some pretty strong cravings…..for chicken and eggs. I know, right? We’ve talked about cravings before and I truly do believe that they are often direct communication from our bodies addressing a specific deficiency. When I think of food cravings, sugary foods usually come to mind. My body is usually feeling tired and is demanding something for quick, ready energy; so, it creates visions of chocolate donuts dancing in my head. Right now, my body doesn’t need the extra energy – it needs those amino acid chains. Right now, my body is telling me that it needs protein.
Working and building muscles – with push-ups, ab sprawls, squats, etc – actually damages them with tiny tears. Protein repairs that damage, making the muscles stronger than before. After hours of aerobic and isometric exercises, my aren’t ultimately feeling tired – they’re feeling damaged; so, my body is giving me A Chorus Line with barnyard fowl. (Take a moment and envision Bob Fosse choreographing for chickens. That’s priceless.)
Preparing for exercise, exercise itself and feeding your body afterwards are all crucial and, I believe, all very individual. Walking is less effective for me than for many I know. Lifting weights is good for everyone – but different weights and in different manners. My body craves meat. You may be fine as a vegan. It’s all about YOU – your body, your metabolism, your heredity, your lifestyle. Because it’s so personal, I think it’s important to educate yourself and to consult a professional.
In my profession, I hear it regularly: people have read this book, watched that show or listened to something else. More than many, I can appreciate the value of self-education; however, I still go see my doctor for annual check-ups, you know what I mean? So, as you change your fuel and activity, talk with a doctor, a nutritionist, or a personal trainer. When you see your doctor, your healthier stats are reported to your insurance carrier (which can have great effects on your rates, depending on what coverage you have.) As for nutritionists and personal trainers, health and fitness are ALL they do. They’ve read more than you and I have time to. They are educated on the subject – sometimes for years – and they know their professions.
You can make significant headway on your own, sure; however, this is what these people do. They are too valuable a resource to waste.
Higher Degrees
I’m REALLY late visiting with you today and lemme tell you why …. I’m tired.
As threatened, I went kickboxing Saturday morning, in spite of the fact that my calves felt tight enough to pop. After class, they felt better, but my upper body was beginning to tighten up. Over the course of the rest of the weekend, I mowed my yard using a push-mover, shampooed carpets and spent a day kayaking/floating down the Collins River. By Sunday, my upper body was in some serious fatigue and discomfort. The thing is: I am SO EXCITED ABOUT IT!
Every muscle twinge tells me that I broke that tissue down a little during working out. Lean protein consumption helps my body rebuild that tissue, making it stronger, leaner and more efficient. I can already tell a difference in how some of my clothes fit which is incredibly thrilling.
The soreness reminds me:
- to do only those things that really matter,
- that I am alive, and
- that I am getting stronger.
Class is at 8 tonight. I still will not be able to do many push-ups or ab sprawls; but, I can guarantee you that I will be able to do more of them tonight than I could on Saturday. Progress, baby!
The Daily Doty 