Monthly Archives: December 2013

Thought Patterns

Digging For Roots

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OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAI’m one of those people who wants to know the How and Why of things.  So, finding myself in my current state, I’ve pondered a great deal over the How and Why of it. I have worried my memories to find where I went off the rails. Where did I start making the decisions that have led me to this point in my life – starting over (yet again).

I have a few ideas about it.

When I went to college, I wanted to be a neurosurgeon. (I know, right? I’m a very long way from that.) But, I ran into the roadblock of chemistry.  Let me let you in on a little secret in case you don’t already know: chemistry isn’t science.  It’s math masquerading as science. I am, let’s say, math deficient; so, the dream I’d held since junior high school went down in flames.  I was not strong enough to find a way around the roadblock and I began to drift.

I drifted into a general liberal arts degree.  Now, let me interrupt myself for a minute and talk to any college students who may be reading: Make sure your advisor knows who you are and gives a damn about your future. My advisor did neither and told me – a clueless student – that a general liberal arts degree was marketable.  He said that as long as you have a degree, employers don’t really care what it’s in. They just want to see that you are trainable and that you stuck out the college career to the end.

That advice could have fertilized a sizeable garden.

If your advisor unloads that crap on you, change advisors, then take a look at the want ads. Look for what employers are advertising for. Right now, they’re looking for accountants, human resource people, and computer programmers, among others. Find something that appeals to you and get a degree in an actual discipline. My degree with its emphases in history, English and philosophy make me an absolute terror in a trivia game; but, that’s about it. A business degree would have been much more useful. Even an English degree would have been better, at least I could have taught with that. Meanwhile, I’m your broke, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire Phone-A-Friend….

…your broke, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire Phone-A-Friend who is trying to reinvent herself yet again.

Food, Thought Patterns

Whirlpools Suck

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whirlpoolAs you all know, I’ve been depressed now for several months…deeply depressed. If I had a friend in the mental place I’ve occupied these months, I’d be very concerned for them – as many of you have been for me, which I appreciate. Ultimately, the decision to fight this condition is mine alone. I’ve made a few attempts to pull out of the whirlpool pulling me under; but, none of them have been consistent enough or thorough enough to make a difference. As a result, the whirlpool has become stronger – stronger to the point that I’ve found myself shaking my fists at the sky asking if I could get a break already. The answer, if there has been one, was apparently “no.” The latest set-back has been largely my own fault, though.

I’m sick.

My workplace is germier than any kindergarten in the world.  Hourly employees who live from paycheck to paycheck go to work when they’re sick.  They don’t have a choice. I know. I haven’t missed a shift, either, in spite of the lung cooties I’ve got going on right now. It’s not my fault that I work with Typhoid Mary. It is my fault that my immune system was compromised.

In my depression, I failed to do some things I’ve advised you to do over and over again – exercise, eat nutritious foods and balanced meals. I have not given my body the nutrients it needs to defend or fight for itself.

As I said, the decision to pull out of the whirlpool is mine. The first step to that was to go grocery shopping. This week, I went to Aldi and came away with all kinds of vegetables, eggs and nutritious snacks. I’ve already begun feeding my body what it needs to heal itself. It’s just the first step; but, I’ve taken it.

After a few days, I’ll take another. One at a time.