Tag Archives: gastic bypass

Food, General Health, Habits, Thought Patterns

The Big Day is Getting Close!

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Actual footage of me approaching this first hurdle in my upcoming new reality:

On the one hand, I’m excited about this procedure and how it is going to change my life. On the other hand, I have the energy of that mastiff. I am hungry, tired, cranky, and literally having food nightmares. For the past couple of nights, I have dreamt that I ate solid food and my surgery couldn’t go forward. I have awakened in a panic only to feel the gummy texture in my mouth and to taste the flavor of ketosis. Strange to be comforted by cotton mouth and the taste of dragon feet, but here we are.

I am trying to get my house cleaned up in preparation for recovery, but I will not get as much done as I had hoped. I never do – whether I’m preparing for guests, for a trip, or for surgery. My list of things to get done beforehand never quite gets checked off. I have to get the biggest things done and let the rest slide. It’s not like it all won’t be there when I am able to lift things again. But, at least the floors are vacuumed, furniture dusted, laundry completed, and the kitchen, bathroom and cat boxes cleaned. The smaller tasks will just have to wait.

Even the big ones will have to wait right now. I am enjoying my back porch. The temperature is mild, the birds and crickets are filling the air with a song punctuated by the laughter of the three brothers who live in the house behind mine. I know that family only in passing, but I have listened to the boys grow from toddlers into pre-teens. I feel great contentment listening to their mostly harmonious play.

Yes, tasks big and small will have to wait awhile. Life is good and I am content.

Cravings, Emotional Eating, Food, General Health, Habits, Thought Patterns

The Sound of an Open Box of Cookies

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Today I was speaking with a woman who had gastric bypass surgery a year ago and I shared a fear with her – that the surgery won’t work. That I will still wake up and that my first thought will be, “What can I have to eat?”

That is literally my first thought every morning. And it accompanies me all day long. “What do I have to snack on?” “What’s for lunch?” “What’s for dinner?” ” I sure could go for a milkshake.” It’s all day long every day. And if the answer to the snack question is, well, anything, I’m going to go get it and probably eat it until it is gone – much like Paula Poundstone and her pop tarts.

Poptarts, chips (or crisps for our UK friends), snack cakes, nuts, ice cream, cookies, everything. If I know it is in the kitchen – particularly if I know the box is open – it’s going to talk to me until I go in there and get it. I don’t even have to be hungry or especially want a snack. If I know there is a box of something open in the kitchen, it’s going to be gone soon.

The woman I spoke with today had the same struggle before her surgery. She didn’t say that Little Debbie talked to her, but she had that same struggle. Since her surgery, she does not.

Like me, she didn’t feel full. I rarely do. At a recent family reunion, I made an exception and was miserably full; but, in general, I don’t feel full. It’s frustrating when logic says that I should be sated, but my limbic system is not at all onboard.

The professionals have all told me that surgery will change this and that afterwards, my tastes will also change. Like my new friend, I’ve been doubtful. However, she assured me that it does happen. Although she has sampled the treats she enjoyed previously, she wasn’t able to finish even one. The thing was too sweet and the chocolate tasted waxy. And she said that her favorite chips were far too salty. I am SO hopeful that I have the same experience! Let’s be honest, not buying it doesn’t work. There are two large grocery stores, several convenience stores, and 10 to 15 restaurants within two miles of my house and I do have a car. Not keeping garbage food on-hand makes me have to expend more effort to get it, but I’m not scared. I know where Sonic is. I have to not want to get in the car.

In addition to being tired of hurting all the time, I am sick of thinking about food all the time. I’m not a hunter/gatherer and god knows I’m not on Naked and Afraid. I don’t physically have to think about where my next morsel will come from and I’m tired of spending so much time doing just that.