When You Are Your Own Black Knight

Of course, one of my favorite movies is Monty Python and The Holy Grail.  And, of course, one of my favorite scenes is when the Black Knight stands at the bridge and declares, “None shall pass!”  About 30 pounds into my weight loss, I realized that I was my own Black Knight.

I was looking for a pair of warm-up pants.  I had bought the whole suit on sale some months before and, while I could locate the jacket, I couldn’t find the pants anywhere.  They had always been too tight and I had never warn them.  Finally, I remembered that I had donated them to Goodwill because I thought I’d never be able to wear them.  Slam on the brakes.  I thought I’d never be able to wear them. I did – no one else, just me.

The truth is, no one else thought that much about my weight.  I’m just not that important in their worlds.  That’s not to say that I don’t have friends and family who love me – I do.  But, none of them were wringing their hands over the fact that I was obese.  Certainly, none of them were losing sleep thinking that I was unable to lose weight.  I’d be willing to bet that it never even occurred to them that I was unable to lose weight. I was the one who thought that.  I was the one who didn’t believe in myself.  I was the one standing in my own way, denying passage.

How sad is that?

black knightSo, the biggest challenge wasn’t necessarily cutting calories or making good food choices.  The biggest challenge was vanquishing the Black Knight.  And, to be honest, it’s a challenge I still deal with at least a little bit each day.  The way to win is not with one swift thrust from The Blade of Logic.  Like King Arthur, I had to strike multiple times – disarming, then, um, dislegging my own Belief Black Knight.  And, like the knight in the movie, even without arms and legs, the demon still threatens to bite my knee caps.  He’s never completely gone, but he’s not nearly as fearsome as he was two years and all those pounds ago.

And for those external Black Knights?  I quote the crazy-talented Pavel Datsyuk: “There are so many people out there who will tell you that you can’t. What you have got to do is turn around and say, ‘watch me’!'”

So, to both my internal and external Black Knights, I say with all due respect (which is to say very little), “Watch me!”

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