All posts by dotyness

I'm a mother, a hockey fan, a photographer, a sugar and nicotine addict, a non-smoking smoker, a struggler, a connoisseur of the absurd, a reader, a traveler, a writer, a student of light and shadow, a foodie, a daughter, a sister, a friend, and a crazy cat lady. I talk to myself more than I care to admit and perhaps even more than is healthy. I'm in a time of great change and turmoil so now I'm talking to you as well as to myself.

External Water as Valuable as Internal Water?

This is obviously not the first time I’ve said this; but, it’s necessary to remember to do those things that recharge our batteries.  As we approach the holiday weekend, this is the perfect time to think of restorative activities.  In our run-run-run world, we’ve forgotten to slow down.  For whatever reason, we don’t think of downtime as being productive.

Sleep is restorative for our bodies and minds, sure; but, waking relaxation is restorative for our souls.

For some ideas on waking relaxation, read Monday’s post of Nashville.com: Enjoying Water for Your Health.

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Y’all Need to Listen to Clotille Jones

Or whatever her name is…………..

My inner voice’s name is Clotille Jones and she’s a big, ole Cajun woman.  Your inner voice might be Jiminy Cricket, Houser Snicklefitz or whatever; but, whatever you call it, it knows more than you give it credit for and you really ought to listen to it more than you do.

REALLY crunchy mushrooms
REALLY crunchy mushrooms

My new friend Amy is listening to hers and its is telling her to eat mushrooms right now…lots of mushrooms!  We were talking about it yesterday and she can’t imagine what nutrient it is that she’s lacking; but, whatever it is, her body is pretty sure it can find it in mushrooms.  Now, I’ve always heard that mushrooms don’t have much of anything in them; but, according to the fresh mushroom website, they are a great source of B vitamins, selenium and other trace elements.  So, maybe Amy’s body needs selenium, which tastes way better as a grilled portobello than as a Selsum Blue shot, even if it has a tequila chaser.

As I’ve mentioned, I believe that our bodies will often tell us what they need, if only we will listen.

But our inner voices talk to us about more than just food.  Clotille talks to me about all kinds of things including food, exercise, things I’m struggling with and LSU football, even though I graduated from Mississippi State.  Lord! She will just go on and on about Tiger football!  Don’t get her started! Anyway, in my chat with Amy, we talked a little about how we don’t listen to that voice, then we kick ourselves later.  Specifically, we were talking about a woman who had married a man even when she “had a bad feeling” about him.  She didn’t listen to her Clotille Jones and, years later, she was kicking herself about it.

Why don’t we listen to ourselves?

One of my favorite books is The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker.  I’ve gone through about five copies of it, or, more accurately, about five copies of it have gone through me.  I buy them, lend them and never see them again.  If you haven’t read it, you should.  (And if you have one of mine, give it back!) The basic message of the book is that we don’t listen to ourselves and we get ourselves into trouble because of it.  We talk about “hunches” or “feelings” when what we are really accessing is the information that our unconscious minds have gathered and are sending up to the conscious mind with a giant red “high importance” message flag on it.  However, because we cannot find the rational and conscious source of the feeling, we dismiss it, often to our peril.

For instance, you know how some women say that they knew they were going to marry some guy the first time they saw him?  Well, the first time I saw my son’s father, Clotille told me, “Chere (I told you: she’s Cajun), that boy is gone be important to you.”  See? Danger and I didn’t listen.  (Tall, blond and green-eyed.  I was a goner.)

Our eyes see everything.  Our ears hear it all.  Those of us without autism filter most of that extra stuff out, although the mind still registers it. Clotille knows and I have to listen to her when she tells me to eat mushrooms, to leave a certain place or to be wary of some guy … even if he is really cute.

It’s a Custom Lifestyle

At a women’s networking event that I co-hosted last night (it rocked, natch), I spent some time speaking with Elizabeth and Susan who both reminded me of some important points:

  1.  It’s not about weight loss, it’s about making healthful food choices, and
  2. We are all different; so, what works for one may not work for another.

We have talked about food as building materials and as fuel, but that idea bears repeating.  Elizabeth said it this way last night, “I wouldn’t put diesel or flex-fuel in my car.  My car takes regular gasoline.” I really liked that analogy.  I can eat at the drive-thru every day, all day long and I’m not going to get the fuel that my body needs.  With RARE exceptions, the stuff coming out of that window is nutritionally bankrupt – some things are not as bad as others.  Some members of the Manson family are nicer than others, too – it’s critical to keep sight of the big picture.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAAnd, listen, I’m not going to lie, when I first started my project my goal was weight loss, pure and simple.  However, as I’ve gotten further into it, I’ve realized how my body reacts to different foods.  Some of the reactions – like the ones to wheat and dairy – are so subtle that I never noticed them when those items were such a huge part of my diet.  Now that I’m eating clean most of the time, I know that dairy causes lung congestion and that wheat makes my sinuses swell.  Bread and ice cream were significant parts of my diet, and removing them resulted in weight loss.  Now, from this vantage point, I can see that a happy side effect was better health!

Over the last couple of years, I’ve read more about nutrition that I did over the whole rest of my life combined.  Some of the stuff I read made sense, some of it was straight-up Tin Hat League garbage where correlation was confused with causality.  So, as you go through your journey, be aware that there is an awful lot of advice and information that falls into the “Um, what?” category.

One book I read whose ideas intrigued me was Your Body Knows by Ann Louis Gittleman.  Her idea is that our bodies perform best when we feed them with the foods our ancestors ate and she’s not talking about our caveman ancestors.  My people are from northern Europe…really northern.  A diet of cold water fish and oats is going to be better for me than a diet of olives and pasta (remember that Mediterranean Diet fad?).  I’m not completely convinced on all of her ideas since we are a long way from our roots in the US; however, I can certainly agree with her point that we are all different and that our bodies need different things.  My friend Michele had a wildly successful experience with the Adkins Diet.  I lost 11 pounds and not one ounce more.  I was cranky, unable to think clearly and had the breath of a dragon.  That’s a big No Go.

Dieting is bad and it doesn’t work.  What works is a lifestyle change and that change has to give the right fuel for you as an individual, highly complex, mobile chemistry lab.

And Now Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Program…Yogurt!

I appreciate your patience the last few days as I wallowed a bit – okay, a lot.  For me, it’s important to acknowledge and truly feel those feelings of sadness.  Without really feeling them, I don’t resolve them. And, while they’re not resolved now, either, make no mistake, I can at least breathe without an iron lung. Things are looking up.

With that, let’s move on to one of our usual topics – food.  This time, I want to talk about yogurt.

This weekend, my dad got stuck with me at went to Kroger with me where I proceeded to take photos of a whole bunch of labels.  I’ve included a slideshow of the yogurt labels here.  You’ll see that the ranges of calories, carbohydrates and sugars is just wild, which is my point.  All of these yogurts are stacked in the dairy case, side by side like they are all the same thing.

When I worked for American Eagle, people walked into the airport and bought tickets on us, on Delta, Northwest, United or US Airways.  They bought the tickets based on route structure and brand loyalty, not really on product since all the carriers offered basically the same thing. (Although my aunt Judy insisted that we at AMR were harder on her luggage and , based on the gorilla in the old Samsonite commercial, she called us, “Gorillas in the mist.” Can you imagine?!) Anyway, my point is that all the ticket counters were stacked together like yogurt in the dairy case.  While we don’t have that “all yogurt is created equal” conversation consciously in our heads, we do assume that the products all the same.

Look at the pictures, and you can clearly see that they’re not.

Some of these things have more sugar per serving than ice cream. No lie!  Yet, they are all being marketed as a healthful breakfast food.  While some of them are, the majority of them are just not.

Here are side by side comparisons by the container:

 

Activia

Chobani

Chobani Blueberry Fit

Kroger Carbmaster

Kroger Greek

Kroger Lite

Liberte

Light & Fit

Yoplait

Yoplait Greek

Yoplait light

Serving

4 oz

6 oz

5.3 oz

6 oz

6 oz

6 oz

6 oz

6 oz

6 oz

6 oz

6 oz

 
Carbs

20

21

17

4

8

12

23

14

33

10

16

Calories

110

160

190

80

90

80

230

80

170

100

90

Fat

2

3

9

1.5

0

0

12

0

1.5

0

0

Sugar

17

20

12

3

6

9

20

10

26

7

10

Sodium

65

65

65

100

100

100

90

75

85

75

80

Protein

4

13

13

8

16

7

8

5

5

13

5

And, by the ounce:

 

Activia

Chobani

Chobani Blueberry Fit

Kroger Carbmaster

Kroger Greek

Kroger Lite

Liberte

Light & Fit

Yoplait

Yoplait Greek

Yoplait light

Serving

1 oz

1 oz

1 oz

1 oz

1 oz

1 oz

1 oz

1 oz

1 oz

1 oz

1 oz

 
Carbs

5

3.5

3.2

.7

1.3

2

3.8

2.3

5.5

1.7

2.7

Calories

27.5

26.7

35.8

13.3

15

13

38

13

28.3

16.7

15

Fat

.5

.5

1.7

.25

0

0

2

0

.25

0

0

Sugar

4.25

3.3

2.3

.5

1

1.5

3.3

1.7

4.3

1.2

1.7

Sodium

16.3

10.8

12.3

16.7

16.7

16.7

15

12.5

14.1

12.5

13

Protein

1

2.2

2.5

1.3

2.7

1.2

1.3

.8

.8

2.2

.8

To put this into perspective, Edy’s Slow Churned Vanilla Bean ice cream has:

Serving

4 oz

1 oz

                 
 
Carbs

15

3.75

Calories

100

25

Fat

3.5

.9

Sugar

12

3

Sodium

35

8.8

Protein

2

.5

Ice cream has fewer calories per ounce than five of the yogurts I found at the grocery.  The ONLY category where yogurt wins every time is in protein. It always has more, if only a little.

Meanwhile, it is ALL marketed as a healthy lifestyle choice when, sometimes, it would be more accurately marketed as a dessert.

As with all processed food: caveat emptor, or, as we say in the South, “Be careful whatchu buy, y’all!”

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They Don’t Have Glaciers In Tennessee

Glacier calving, Glacier National Park, AK
Glacier calving, Glacier National Park, AK

Monday afternoon at about 5:30, there was a groan in Nashville that was nearly subsonic.  More feeling than sound, it was followed by a sharp crack, then a thunderous crash.  I heard it.  I felt it.  But the people around me spoke in normal voices, greeting each other as if everything was normal. It wasn’t.  My child walked away from me and into the security checkpoint and my heart broke.  The sound was as sonorous and as deafening as a calving glacier.  No one heard a thing.

I walked to my car, struggling to contain myself and I remembered when I’d had similar thoughts before.  When my friend Joey died, people acted like nothing was wrong, yet I knew that EVERYthing was wrong.  Nothing was right or ever would be right again. The world kept spinning even if my part of it was irrevocably broken. I will see my son at Christmas and, in the meantime, I will remember my solo routine.  At that moment, though, I wondered how many others I passed in my escape were also fleeing the growing sound of their own internal screams.  How many other parents were sending their children off? How many husbands and wives saying good-bye? I couldn’t hear their hearts breaking any more than they could hear mine.

I sat in my car, struggling to breathe in the sudden vacuum, when I decided that the foggy thinking that goes with grief and stress is the direct result of oxygen deprivation.

How many people do I pass on any given day whose worlds have just been irrevocably broken by death, disease, or disappointment? Was that inattentive driver of the blue Charger grieving? Is the slow checker at the grocery store struggling? Is the confused customer ahead of me overloaded with trials? How many people do I judge harshly and unfairly rather than patiently or compassionately? Yet, how quickly do I expect that same patience and compassion from them?

If interpersonal skills are climbing gear, the compassion mask should be in front where I can reach it better to share with those in the vacuum.  My ego pick should be around back so I’m less apt to use it to chip away at others.

After all, their glacier may have just calved, even if I didn’t hear it.

When Your Heart Leaves

I work with a young man who is a new father.  At a recent company picnic, his wife brought their tiny baby girl.  I looked at that sweet, pink confection and thought……”Whew! I’m so glad that’s not me!”

Don’t get me wrong – I loved being the mother of an infant.  I loved feeding him, crawling around on the floor with him, rocking him, and having our own little world; however, I had it easy and I know it.  While he had some issues those first two weeks, after that, he slept the night through pretty much from then on.  He was only a little fussy when he teethed or was sick.  He had a sweet disposition and a very “go with the flow” nature.  To balance the scales, any second child of mine would have been the spawn of Satan,

535077_10150684437898197_1566334501_nBut I didn’t have a demon, I had a sweet, easy baby.  I spent most of the first few weeks worrying that the hospital was going to figure out that they had given that baby to a complete idiot who had no clue what she was doing.  I was just sure that they were going to realize the error and come get him. I remember when he was just a couple of weeks old.  He was screaming and I was squalling right there with him.  I felt like a complete failure – I didn’t know why he was crying!  Aren’t mothers supposed to know that kind of thing?!  My mother chuckled when I shared the cause of my distress. “Why do you think you’re supposed to know that? Mothering is just like everything else – you have to learn how.  You’ll get it.” And I did.

I also finally got what she had meant throughout my life when she said that I would understand how much she loved me when I became a parent myself.  That’s one of those things that’s just impossible to describe, isn’t it? It’s like explaining color to someone blind since birth.  I don’t even know that I’d know how to begin.

Today, my son leaves for his second year of college.  I know that I have it easy.  Many, many mothers before me have sent their 19-year-olds off to war.  Mine is only going to college.  Then again, so was Christopher Lane.  When Jaegar isn’t with me, I worry.  I always have and maybe I always will.  Protecting him has been my job for a long time now and, while his leaving is the way things are supposed to be, it’s a long way from easy.

A friend posted this on Facebook this week: “Since the day he was born, the best part of everyday for me has been seeing his face & listening to him talk about anything at all. I moved him into his dorm today and I’m leaving Oxford now. You all said that “when the time comes, you’ll be ready.” Well, I AM NOT! If any of you lying bitches would like to apologize, you can find me at the Peabody Bar for the next 24 hours.”

Save me a stool, Emmy.

Friends Bring the Sweet

At Mississippi State last year with one of my oldest friends, Jeanna.
At Mississippi State last year with one of my oldest friends, Jeanna.

As my son prepares to leave for college, I am maudlin.  He is excited about getting back to Tacoma, seeing his friends again and getting back into school.  I, on the other hand, am stocking up on tissues while working hard to resist the lure of my old friends – comfort foods.  Bittersweet times like this lead to introspection for me.  (I’m beginning to suspect that lots of conditions lead to introspection for me.)  As I sank deeper and deeper into the bitter, a received a heaping dose of sweet when I heard from not one, not two, but FOUR treasured friends of long-standing.  Just knowing they are there will help me walk through these difficult next few days.

Read more in Thursday’s Nashville.com – Friendship and Personal Wealth.

Things Forgotten That Must Be Remembered

What’s my name? What’s my first phone number? Who are my parents? All of these bits of information are so much a part of me that I don’t remember ever NOT knowing them; however, every one of these things were once new to me.

The French have two words for know: connaître and savoir.  Connaître is knowing something on the surface, like being acquainted with something.  (We get our word reconnoiter from this.) Savoir is to know something completely, like the names of all 50 states and their capitals. (We get our word savvy from this.)  You can’t savoir another person since you cannot know them through and through – you can only connaître them. (Conjugate as appropriate.)  You CAN savoir nutritional information; but, most of us only connaître it.

Let’s get savvy with our food choices!

Read more on Monday’s Nashville.com

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How Do You Like Your Feet?

I like mine attached. So does my friend Connie.

A couple of years ago, she was diagnosed with Type II diabetes.  Her doctor was busy writing out a prescription when she said, “Wait!  Don’t I even get a chance?” He asked, “Do you want one?”  She said that she did and he prescribed a new way of eating, instead.  You see, she’s seen diabetes up close and personal with family members who have lost digits and whole limbs – people whose dignity has been compromised by a disease that they chose not to treat. Now, two years later, she’s 25 pounds lighter and her diabetes is completely controlled with diet.

We started this week with the question: What if you were dying?  It’s a nice (if morbid) balance to bring the week to a close by again addressing the effects of obesity on health – the serious effects.

209878_10150159892278197_2354586_oI recently spent time with another friend who has some serious decisions to make.  She is obese and has to decide what she’s going to do about that.  I love her and I love her precious spirit, which is one of the kindest and gentlest I know.  I’m not telling you anything I didn’t tell her when I say that if she doesn’t change her lifestyle – and soon – she’s going to die.  It’s her choice whether or not to fight for her life; but, I sincerely hope that she does.

Several of our conversations were very frank and quite possibly offensive to her; however, I was never intentionally cruel, spoke from experience, not judgement and saw no value in dancing around the issue. I asked her to let me know when I crossed the line into her bubble and, while she never yelled “Uncle!” I’m pretty sure I was all in her head space.  I tried not to go too far into it and I try not to go too far into anyone else’s space here.  As I’ve said several times before, food is not the issue for obese people.  There is some other demon at work there and I would be heartbroken to think that I strengthened someone else’s demon.  However, I cannot stand on the sidelines silently and watch someone I love and treasure kill themselves.  I won’t nag; but, I won’t be complicitly silent, either.

When I was young, my mother used to tell me all the time that “to whom much is given, much is required.”  As it happened, that particular little saying turned into a nightmare of self-accusation for me; however, its core truth is untouched by the nightmare.  If I have the knowledge to help, I am required to help, or to at least offer to.  I was also reminded of that at a training seminar yesterday.  Both my professional and my personal passions require me to offer help to others. What adults choose to do with that help is out of my hands; however, I have to offer.  Deirdre Sullivan said, “In my humdrum life, the daily battle hasn’t been good versus evil. It’s hardly so epic. Most days, my real battle is doing good versus doing nothing.”  My conscience will not leave me to stand by and do nothing.

I can lead a horse to water.  After that, it’s up to the horse.

Still, if I can lead, I must.

Little Pig, Little Pig, Let Me In

the big bad wolf“Not by the hair of my chinny, chin, chin.” Remember this one?  What was the moral to the story?  That it’s always best to take your time, use the right tools and do the job right.

I’ve heard all my life, “After 40, your body just starts to fall apart.”  Yeah, yeah, yeah.  The day before my 40th birthday, I broke my first tooth – on a piece of bacon.  Okay, so I thought people were speaking metaphorically – I didn’t realize there was a kitchen timer!  And apparently. mine didn’t make it back across the international date line from that trip to Japan!  Mine when off a full day early.

To some degree, that prediction is correct, our bodies do start falling apart at some point; however, mine was falling apart too early because I wasn’t giving it the nutrition it needed.  So, guess what isn’t the right tool to build this house? Cheesecake.  Yep, when the Big Bad Wolf of Age came knocking, my house blew in. I was one of those people David Vitalis was talking about in Hungry for Change, “People are overfed, but they are also starving to death.”

Who’s with me on this one: I didn’t think about my actual nutrient intake.  I ate frequently and was full; so, I must have been getting the nutrition I needed, right? Turns out, not so much.  My poor nutrition wasn’t responsible for my tooth breaking; but, it was responsible for other deterioration issues.  What I had forgotten is that my body is a building.  That building needs maintenance which is performs on its own.  Our tissue replaces itself at varying rates.  Here are a few examples of healthy tissue regeneration rates: epidermis – 35 days, fat cells – 10 years, bones – 10 years, liver – 5 months, deep lung tissue – 1 year, red blood cells – 4 months.

Of course, even with the substandard building blocks I was giving it, my body was reproducing cells, replacing old ones or damaged ones.  I’m not confident that the new cells were as good as the originals, though, and I wonder what downline issues I’m going to face.  My current diet contains much better building materials and I’m hopeful that perhaps some of the minor damage has been undone.  However, I don’t know if the substandard cells can replace themselves with better quality cells.  Time will tell.

Although my current diet is FAR better than it was three years ago, it’s not as good as it was two years ago during my reduction phase.  Why? Because I’m not eating enough vegetables.  In the US, we are nearly manic about getting enough protein in our diets.  If you haven’t already, I strongly suggest you watch the documentary Forks Over Knives.  In it, Dr. Alona Pulde & Dr. Matthew Lederman said, “We’ve never treated a single patient with protein deficiency; yet the majority of patients we see are suffering from heart disease, diabetes, and other chronic illnesses directly resulting from trying to get enough protein.

As I’ve told you before, I am all kinds of carnivorous and don’t really see myself ever being 100% vegetarian – and I’m not sure I have to be.  But, what I do have to do is make certain that my diet is more balanced which means, ironically, that it has to be heavy on the veggies.

So, grab a fork and let’s sit inside our brick houses, thumbing our noses at Big Bad Wolves.

vegan protein