Category Archives: Thought Patterns

What’s going on in my head

Accountability, Cravings, Habits, Motivation, Thought Patterns

Fatigue: Success Saboteur

May 15, 2013 dotyness Leave a comment

I. Am. Exhausted.

Starting any new endeavor takes an enormous amount of energy, and it doesn’t matter what kind of endeavor it is: weight loss, new job, new baby, new puppy, new home, whatever. You know this. I know this. Of course, there is knowing and there is KNOWING.

With my new professional position, I am moving into a state of KNOWING.

New knowledge, friends, clients, situations, and experiences are invigorating; however, I am a middle-aged woman, not the battery bunny. Long hours away from home are wearing me out and are beginning to have some not-so-great effects, a few of which I noticed yesterday:

overeating,
bad food choices, and
over-analysis head trash.

My body is tired. But, because it doesn’t know that I’m doing this on purpose, it is now beginning to register the fatigue as a threat to survival. As a threat response, it’s telling me that it needs more food. My hunger alarms are blaring like it’s a London air raid and I need to Keep Calm and Get My Fanny into the Tube. I know that the threat is not real; however, my basic life functions don’t and right now they are buying all the air time and running commercials for food in my brain.

And the commercials they are running are not for apples, mangoes and lean meats, either. No, sirree! I’m getting messages that my organism is in danger and we need high calorie items! It’s like the old drive-in commercials: I’ve got peanut butter cups, ice cream pints, and pastries dancing across my mental screen. My conscious mind knows that the danger isn’t real, but my brain is still creating massive carbohydrate cravings.

My brain is also thinking too much. It is my nature to over-analyze. You can stop reading now because I’m certain you don’t deal with this same issue (yes, I’m rolling my eyes). I was doing a mental post-mortem driving home after an event last night. I concluded that during the evening, I had likely developed a bad case of what my mother always called Diarrhea of the Mouth.

Speaking with these three really nice women, I realized that I was probably talking non-stop, but I could not shut up! A good conversation partner talks, then listens. A poor conversation partner talks, then talks, then waits until it’s their turn to talk again. I’m pretty sure I was the latter, not the former. Laura, Linda, Katherine: I promise that I will bring duct tape to the next function and you can just slap a strip on me when I start running off like that again. My apologies, ladies.

Alienating people is bad; but, that’s really not the big, long-term danger for me. The real danger was in berating myself as a boor on the way home. The head trash – I’m a jerk, nobody likes me, I might as well go in the backyard and eat worms – will sabotage any and every effort, whether social, personal, external, or internal. Just like I said yesterday, I have to recognize that the trash is there and pluck it out before it does damage.

At the moment, I am not so tired that I don’t know the source of my hunger, cravings or self-doubts. Because I know the source, I can (and, really, must) correct it. I must address the fatigue before it causes some real harm. I must take care of me.

Now, for those who have nodded your heads throughout this piece, who is taking care of you?

Depression, Habits, Motivation

Taking Out the Head Trash

May 14, 2013 dotyness 4 Comments

Head trash. The mental landfill between our ears.

It creeps into the salesman’s mind after a blown presentation. It attacks the dieter after a prohibited cupcake disappears. It assails the recovering nicotine addict after puffs from the contraband cigarette. It torments the struggling alcoholic after the forbidden cocktail.

Is it real or is it the bogeyman? I happen to think that the veracity of Head Trash lies somewhere between the objective truth of Sean Connery being the most attractive man ever (a truth any idiot can see) and the subjective truth that red poppies are prettier than roses. Regardless of its accuracy, Head Trash can and does (on a daily basis) make failures of the most talented and the brightest individuals. Which leads me to this: the question isn’t whether or not it’s real. The question is: what do we do about it?

When I was little, I was convinced that sharp shooters from Gunsmoke were in the top of my closet. (No. Seriously.) I was so sure they were there, I couldn’t sleep if the closet doors were open. My mother insisted that there were no snipers in my closet; but, clearly, she just wasn’t looking in the right places. I could plainly see them; so, I was angry with her for dismissing my fear.

When my own son was little, he had a similar monster infestation. Remembering the Gunsmoke tormentors, each night, I sprayed water around the edges of the room, driving the monsters into a Japanese letter box which was secured with a brass fish lock (the very best monster containers, don’t you know). With the box of monsters out of the room, the sleeping Ginger Prince was safe for another night.

Hurricane Katrina destroyed my Japanese letter box; so, I no longer have it available for my own monster disposal. The brass fish isn’t around to contain those spirits who say that I can’t do something, that I’m not good enough, that I’m less than, unattractive, unable to do anything right, whatever lies the beasts are selling on any given day. I have to put on my big girl pants and deal with them myself. To do that effectively, I must do these things:

Acknowledge that they are there and look at them closely. Closing my eyes left the snipers in the closet; however, turning on the light clearly and quickly showed no danger.
Disassemble them to find the flaws. When I internally hear, “You can’t do anything right.” I make a list of actual accomplishments: performing a back flip off a diving board, overcoming a paralyzing fear of horses, baking good brownies. I don’t have to be perfect. I just have to be good enough for the context.
Pluck them out. Do not allow those negative thoughts to take root. Deal with them. Relentlessly. Mercilessly. See them as the destructive forces that they are and rout them daily, constantly. This is a battle for spirit, mind, body and success. I must fight like it is. Fight for friends. And (this is a big one) limit my time with those who would destroy me. Emotional vampires have no place in my life. Friendship doesn’t help them and destroys me. It’s a lose-lose.
Finally, I develop a game plan. If sales meetings leave me feeling down, I have to review them with a coworker to find out why. A helpful colleague can suggest how to handle the situation better next time. When I craved cigarettes, I avoided coffee shops and bars. I don’t go to bakeries when I’m hungry. A game plan helps me win the battles before I face them the next time.

To be a successful parent, sober person, non-smoker (or non-smoking smoker like me), professional, student, dieter, athlete, or insert your own noun here we must clear out our minds, making room for positive things, good thoughts, good people and good experiences. To do that, we must first take out the Head Trash.

Eating Out, Habits, Thought Patterns

Corning’s Loss, Our Gain

May 13, 2013 dotyness Leave a comment

This is the United States where eating out is a national pastime. When I was growing up, there were only a couple of places in Brookhaven open for breakfast – Kerns Cafe and Brown’s Cafe (neither of which exist anymore). The Round Table and Dog N Suds were open at lunch. The Dog N Suds was also open for dinner. Sometimes, we would drive to Hazelhust to have dinner at Max’s or over to Georgetown for fried catfish at Al’s Fish Camp. I think we might have had a Kentucky Fried Chicken in those days, as well. But, you get the picture. We ate out infrequently and had few choices when we did. Now, I have a choice between Backyard Burger, fried chicken, eggrolls and Dunkin Donuts all at a single truck stop in the middle of nowhere!

Marketing students hear how Corning Glass nearly failed because it didn’t see that Americans weren’t cooking at home anymore. My grandmother and my mother both had complete sets of Corning casserole dishes. You know the ones I’m talking about – white with either white flowers or vegetables on the side and that heavy, heavy glass lid. Every pot luck, church dinner, holiday meal, supper club and family get-together saw tables laden with them. Check your cabinets. Do you have any of them? I don’t.

And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that we cook less but are fatter than ever.

I’ve talked before about cooking and how cooking your own food is vital to weight loss success and a healthier body. I am convinced that this is true. Hidden sugar, salt, and god-knows-what make us gain weight and retain water. They subject us to cravings. They alter our body chemistries in ways we don’t even understand.

Friends encouraged me to start this blog because while Valerie Bertinelli and Oprah Winfrey can lose weight and look great, most of us do not have personal trainers, chefs or life coaches on speed dial. Pre-packaged diets are successful because we don’t have time to plan. We don’t know what to plan. We just don’t know where to start.

I am coming to believe that a great part of my earlier success was that I was working from home. Planning nutritious, balanced meals was much easier then than it is for me now and, frankly, I’m not doing all that great a job of it yet. However, this weekend, I began to take my personal life back in hand. I am a creature of habit, a person of routine. I am still developing one that contains time for housework, laundry, exercise, meal planning and preparation, work time and networking time. Oh, and sleep. Sleep would be good, too. While I’m nowhere near done, I made significant progress this weekend and that feels good.

I would love it, though, if you would continue to share what works for you!

Habits, Motivation

Odds Are…..

May 8, 2013 dotyness 4 Comments

As I’ve said, after about 18 months of working from my home, I have recently begun working in an office again and in the field of financial services. Yesterday I heard that only about one person in one hundred who starts a career in financial services sticks with it. I have no reason to question the source; so, I’m going to assume that he’s right – that he thinks that the odds are not in my favor. But, the odds are always in the house’s favor, right? Well, what that man doesn’t know is that in many respects, I’m pretty sure I’m the house. Here’s why:

As an infant, I had a heart murmur. My parents were told I would not live past age two. I’m significantly past that now.
I did a boatload of really stupid things in college and I’m still here.
I am the single income, single mother of an at-risk son who is choosing to become a man that ANY mother would be thrilled to call her own.
I survived Katrina, though I lost nearly everything.
I triumph over a chronic illness (most of the time).
I’ve been technically homeless and unemployed twice. Thanks to the love, support and generosity of my family, I’ve always had a roof over my head and food on my plate.
I’ve successfully quit smoking.
As a middle-aged woman, I’ve lost a great deal of weight and am doing a decent job of keeping it off and removing those few creeper pounds.

Although I often grouse, complain and pout, I survive and I thrive.

But, I’m going to let you in on a little secret here….come closer and tell no one: in spite of what I’ve been trying to convince friends of for years, I’m not all that special. Shhhhhh. One more outburst like that and I’ll clear the courtroom! (Big Perry Mason fan. Always wanted to say that.)

What I mean is: I didn’t win some mysterious, cosmic lottery. I don’t know the answer to life’s great mystery (other than 42, of course). I don’t have the market on gumption cornered. Sure, I’ve got my share of piss and vinegar (inherited from my mother who had enough for four people); but, I’ve got no super powers. All of these things that I’ve done, others can do. I did it with grit and with the support and encouragement of friends and family. Remember yesterday? Believe. Believe it and want it.

I struggle and I lose faith in myself on a regular basis, but the trick is (I think) to believe more often than disbelieve. And for those days when you can’t swing your focus back around to believing, have a support system that will help you.

In this new job, in losing these creeper pounds, in relationships, in all things – if the odds are in the house’s favor, then let’s make sure we’re the House.

Thought Patterns

The Best I Can Do

May 7, 2013 dotyness 1 Comment

Some days, I am ten feet tall and bullet proof – the Little Engine That Could. Other days, I am in a foxhole – the Little Engine That Once Thought She Could. On those days, I have to focus on the good. I have to focus on the positive. I have to fake it until I make it, to quote Mary Kay Ash. On those days, I have a one word mantra:

Say it with me and repeat as needed.

Some days, that’s the best I can do….and that’s okay.

Food, Thought Patterns

Nutrition and the 60-Hour Workweek

May 6, 2013 dotyness 3 Comments

Oh, my, friends. Am I ever tired?!

A couple of weeks ago, I talked about the challenges involved in planning a nutritionally sound menu while working a full workweek. Well, guess what. I haven’t taken my own advice to heart and am paying the price for it now.

Last week, my workweek was more along the lines of 60 hours than 40. I met so many people for coffee, my feet turned black. I didn’t eat enough calories, enough vegetables, at the right times or really anything else I was supposed to. My diet was a train wreck and I am feeling the effects. I am fatigued, cranky and allergies are kicking my fanny.

I don’t have valuable information to share this morning and am hoping that maybe one of you does. Help me out here, would you?

Motivation, Thought Patterns

It’s Just a Number….Right?

May 2, 2013 dotyness Leave a comment

I’m both frustrated and elated this morning. Frustrated because the number on the scale hasn’t moved in a few days. Elated because my jeans have room in the waist, thighs and rear. My number may not be decreasing, but my size is.

I’ve always said that I could weigh 300 pounds, as long as I’m a size 6 or 8, I don’t care. I have a confession. That is a lie. 100% untrue. Blatant falsehood. I’m surprised I haven’t been stuck dead when I’ve said it. I want to be able to cheerfully chirp “120, fiddle-dee-dee” while batting my eyelashes and fanning myself when someone asks me what I weigh. The truth is that I probably wouldn’t weight 120 pounds if I were mummified.

I love to swim. I learned when I was two and have been a fish pretty much ever since. The thing about swimming is this: fat floats. At my largest, I floated some 3 cm above the water. At 15 pounds over my goal weight, I went swimming for the first time in years. I got in the water and did what I always did – went under and pushed off the side. When I rose to the top, I began to do the front crawl. The problem was that I didn’t rise to the top. I stayed level. Underwater. Well, that was new. At that time, I weighed 160 pounds….hardly petite.

I have to face facts – my body is not built to have a healthy weight of 120. At 140, I was actually a little too thin. Regardless of what the BMI says (and I’m told that people who really know don’t use that anymore), my body is best at 145 to 150. I have a medium bone structure with athletic musculature, if not grace, talent or coordination. I know that I can no more change that than I can change the color of the sky, still, a part of me is wistful.

My jeans are looser and I’ll be back in my cute clothes within a month or so. I can’t let the bathroom tyrant ruin my day, my thinking or my behavior. Remind me of that later, will you?

Accountability, Cravings, Food, Habits, Thought Patterns

Get Thee Behind Me, Little Debbie

May 1, 2013 dotyness Leave a comment

We had another lunch training session at work yesterday and after The Foolish Cookie Incident, I actually started being a little concerned about the boxed lunches a whole 24 hours prior. I was worried about losing another dual to a baked good.

Boxed lunches arrived and I had a great sliced turkey sandwich. I ditched the top piece of bread and enjoyed it open-faced. The chip bags were the big single servings (you know – the ones that aren’t really single servings); so, I ate a quarter of those. The fruit cup was great. The pasta salad looked good, but I chose not to eat bread and pasta at the same meal. So far, so good. Enter the brownie.

The Brownie. Four square inches of moist, chocolaty wonder, liberally dusted with white chocolate shavings. If you’re quiet, you can hear the angels sing.

During my Monday Menu Musings, I had explained my problem with the cookie to a coworker. I just didn’t know if I could face another one down. At high noon in the bakery, I’m pretty sure that chocolate walnut disc was going to be the faster draw. That’s when this Great American Woman stepped in and offered to take the bullet for me.

Appearing to be very athletic and fit, she offered, nay, she demanded that I give the cookie to her. That kind of sacrifice just brings a tear to your eye, doesn’t it? Such a sweet woman! Of course, I must hate her on principle because she’s beautiful and can still fit into her clothes after eating 440 calorie cookies, but she’s still sweet.

Temptation is everywhere, all day, all the time, smiling at us from the snack shelf wearing a Nannette Fabray grin and a cowgirl hat. We can’t get rid of it; so, we have to find effective ways of dealing with it. After opening the lunch box, I put the brownie behind the lid so that I couldn’t see it. I left it out of sight until I could run out of there to give it to Rene. At an event last night, I stood with my back to the M&Ms on an exhibitor’s table. Although out of sight doesn’t mean out of mind, it does make it easier. Having healthful alternatives close to hand is also good.

I’m not trying to tell you that some hummus and baby carrots are better than an oatmeal creme pie because that would just be crazy talk; however, I am telling you that we don’t have to let Swiss cake rolls determine our fates. Although I ate an oatmeal raisin cookie at that event, it was my only gastronomic sin of the day. At worst, the net effect of that cookie was break even.

And, sometimes, that’s good enough.

Cravings, Habits, Thought Patterns

From The Black Knight to Varuca Salt

April 29, 2013 dotyness 4 Comments

What a weekend! I had planned to be at a family gathering; however, about five hours after lunch on Friday, I became violently ill. The abrupt and violent onset of symptoms, as well as the timing, lead me to believe that I might have had some kind of microscopic hitchhiker on my lunch of salad greens, raspberries and slivered almonds. Whatever the cause, I was effectively down for the count until yesterday, at which point, my appetite became Varuca Salt.

This happened a couple of times during my first big reduction. I would have these cravings that made me feel almost panicky. And what did I crave? Red meat, the greasier, the better. Bratwurst cured the cravings both times. Yesterday, a small burger made from ground chicken and feta did the trick.

Our bodies will often tell us what they need, I think. Sometimes we call it “having a taste for” something. Sometimes we call it a craving. Whatever we call it, I believe it is direct communication from our bodies addressing some deficiency. The communication I got yesterday was urgent – cellular Varuca Salt screaming, “I want it now!”

While we can’t be at the mercy of cravings, we certainly have to address them because they just don’t go away. From time to time, my body will tell me that it needs Cheetos. I’m pretty sure it’s lying to me. Still, I have to address the craving before it becomes a monster. More often than not, some salted nuts will do the trick. My body just wanted something salty and it asked for what it prefers: Cheetos – the puffy kind. But, in a pinch, it will take the mixed nuts.

Ice cream cravings can be addressed with a container of yogurt put into the freezer or even a frozen banana. Chocolate cravings can be annihilated with a small piece of dark chocolate or even an apple. It depends on if my body wants the chocolate or the sugar.

On occasion, though, cravings have fangs. You know the ones I’m talking about. I try all the healthful alternatives, but my body just giggles and says, “Nice try, chica. Now, hustle on down to the store and get me some M & Ms. Chop! Chop!” So, I hustle on down to the store.

Here’s where the individual servings come in REALLY handy. I can get a small bag of M & Ms and that will quiet the craving. I don’t have to get the King Size or the Front End Loader Size. The regular one is good. A single serving of a quality ice cream works. I find that those tiny Haagen Dazs work better than the same size of some other brands since the ice cream is both richer and denser. Once I enjoy the single serving, I’m good to go.

The body wants what it wants. I just don’t always know exactly what it’s asking for when it makes its demands. Still, I can address the needs without becoming a slave to the cravings, creating further ones with sugar crashes or eating myself into bigger pants.

Cooking, Food, Habits, Thought Patterns

You Take It On The Run, Baby

April 26, 2013 dotyness Leave a comment

That thing in your kitchen or dining room, is it: A) a dining table? B) a desk? C) a filing cabinet? or D) all of the above? I had to go with mostly B for my answer.

We eat at our desks, in our cars, over the sink, in front of the television, at the computer and generally everywhere else but at the table. Even when we cook it ourselves, mealtime is something we blow through rather than something we enjoy. Since HOW I ate was nearly as important as WHAT I ate, I found it crucial during my lifestyle change to make a HUGE shift in this habit. Here are some things I did (and do) to help me get a handle on how I ate:

I eat most of my meals at the table. This lets me concentrate on my food and on my dining companion. If I’m eating alone, I am able to just appreciate my food, making the meal feel more like an event and less like a footnote.
I eat on a plate – a real one that has to be washed and everything. I use metal cutlery and glass drink containers, even at work. Although my office supplies plastic cutlery and disposable plates, I bought an inexpensive set of cutlery, a glass plate and a glass bowl from Target. In total, I spent about six dollars and it was worth every penny. My colorful salads look pretty on the plate and it feels like I’m eating a real meal. The glass plate is also a little smaller than a standard plate; so, my portions can be a little smaller while appearing large. (Plus, I’m not throwing plastic and styrofoam into the waste system!)
I try to make my meals look appealing with lots of color and texture, as well as flavor. Use red bell peppers instead of green, or Swiss chard instead of spinach sometimes for a pop of color. Add a couple of crushed almonds, walnuts or a few chunks of apple to your salad for some crunch.
I eat slowly, chewing each bite and enjoying the different tastes and textures. This is important so that my stomach has enough time to communicate with my brain, telling me that I’m full.
I experiment with new foods, new herbs, spices and preparation techniques. I also use stronger flavors like cumin, red pepper, white pepper, garlic, cilantro, dark chocolate, etc. A little feta or goat cheese on my salad adds a nice kick to those greens! Those flavors wake up my taste buds and let them know we are having a treat! (If you do this, your coworkers will likely want you to keep a toothbrush, some toothpaste, mouthwash and sugar-free mint gum at your desk, too! If you don’t much like those coworkers, skip the minty fresh and go double time on the goat cheese. The area of office space available for your exclusive use with increase proportionally.)

Food satisfies an appetite. If you don’t enjoy the aromas, flavors, colors, and textures, you’re cheating yourself out of three-quarters of the experience! That email can wait. Angry Birds will still be there after lunch. There’s very little really worth watching on prime-time TV, anyway. Take those 20 or 30 minutes of mealtime to reconnect with your family, your friends, your food and your body. It will be the most enjoyable time of your day.

The Daily Doty