When I worked at an air charter company in Latrobe, PA, we once had the opportunity to fly Mr. Rogers – yes, THAT Mr. Rogers – cardigan, sneakers, the whole nine. Everyone in our organization who dealt with him that day was a professional, not wet behind the ears and we had all dealt with celebrities before.  Still.  When Mr. Rogers walked into that lobby, we were all instantly five, peeking at him around corners, scuffing our toes on the floor.  I KNEW I was being ridiculous; but, I couldn’t seem to stop myself!  When I spoke with Mr. Rogers’ brother-in-law some weeks later, he assured me that it happened all the time and that Fred loved it.

I suppose he would have, wouldn’t he?  In the instant that we all became children in his company, he knew that he had a special place in all of our hearts and memories.  He was a positive point of reference. For many children, he was likely their ONLY positive point of reference.  In abusive and neglectful homes, the words coming from Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood may have been the only kind ones those children heard all day.  What an incredible thing for him to know! And what an incredible man to continue to do it for so many years in the face of so much mockery!

The older I get, the more aware I am of the toxic recordings in my own mind. Even though I didn’t start them, I’m the one who keeps looping them. “You can’t do it.” “You’re not good enough.” “You don’t deserve any better.” “You look too much like Ann-Margaret.” (Okay, that last one isn’t real but I’m trying to start it).  These negative recordings are all variations on a theme that I am coming to believe nearly all of us fight with. We all feel (as my friend Laura used to say) Less Than – less than someone else, less than expected, less than enough.

When we are young, we are limited in how we can control or change an unsafe, unkind or unhealthy environment.  However, once we are grown, that control shifts a great deal.  I won’t say that we can always control or change those environments – to say that would be to presume I know everything and I’ve already told y’all that: 1. I don’t have all the answers, 2. I’m not even clear on all the questions, and 3. The knowledge I share comes from what worked and what didn’t work for me.  However, I will say that we can control or change more of those environments than we usually give ourselves credit for.  We are often quick to snap up that Victim title when we are more accurately Volunteers.

Those toxic recordings?  TURN THEM OFF!  I have to remind myself to do this all the time.  All. The. Time.  Like a dog with a squirrel, my mind heads right back to the bad thoughts and I have to jerk it around again. I am the only one who can do that for myself and it’s a nonstop process.

However, to be successful in anything, I have to be kind to myself, to make my mind a safe place and to be my own neighbor. And I have to continue doing that as long as I have breath and lucidity to do it.

I had a discouraging morning at work the other day.  It happens to all of us, right?  I was sharing my thoughts with a colleague who encouraged me to keep my chin up and not to give up.  In truth, I hadn’t considered giving up; so, his words caught me by surprise.  Surprise led to contemplation (like it does).  Since  I tend to be hard-headed persevere, surrender is not normally a top-five option.  However, I began to review those times in the last few years when I have either wanted to or actually have given up.

What is the straw that breaks the camel’s back for me?  What is it that leaves me feeling like throwing in the towel is really the only viable option left to me?

Isolation.

In a word, that’s what it boils down to for me.  Professional frustration peaks when I believe that I am not receiving the support I was either promised or need to meet my goals. Personal frustration reaches a breaking point when I feel isolated in general.  Friends are busy and I spend too much time in my own company.

Nobody cares.  That is one of the most destructive two-word sentences in the English language.  The despair, isolation and anguish packed into those two words is immeasurable.

I’m a single mother.  People often say things like, “That must be so hard!”  I don’t really see it that way.  For one thing, I don’t know how it works any other way; so, I have no point of comparison.  For another (and really the most important) thing, I may be single, but I am not, nor have I ever been, alone.  Friends and family have always been there with encouragement, sympathy and even money and a place to live when we needed it.  I have not reared a son by myself.  That extraordinary young man is truly the product of a village.

Similarly, people have expressed admiration that I “lost all that weight alone.”  I know what they mean – that I didn’t use a structured program – but, again, I’ve never been alone.  LoseIt posts my exercise, weigh-in losses and gains to Facebook where friends and family have been the whole way with encouragement.  So, I did have a support group.  We didn’t meet in the basement of a church on Tuesday nights: we met daily on Facebook.  I had a group of people already assembled who were at the ready with an AttaGirl every single time I needed one.  They were there with encouragement every time the numbers went the wrong way.  They were there.  I was never alone, never isolated, and never wanted to give up.

You have a support group.  You may not have identified it yet; but, you do.  To identify it, you have to put it out there that you are working towards this goal to lose weight, make healthier food choices, go back to school, or whatever. It’s a little unnerving at first to do that publicly.  What if people mock you? What if you fail? What if? What if? What if?

If people mock you, then they are emotional vampires.  How nice that they will identify themselves for you so that you can begin to limit your exposure to them!  (Kinda like the guys who self-identify as Jerks with the “No Fat Chicks” stickers on their trucks.)

If you fail, then you are one failure closer to success!

All of the other “what ifs” can be diffused and dispatched in a similar manner.  If you want this, do this.  Somebody does care.  You are not alone.  Don’t give up!