Looking back at this week’s posts, you can see that a certain joy is lacking – or at least I can.  This week has been a tough one for me, internally.  I’ve had some things come up that have been major stressors and I would love to tell you that I arose victorious over them, celery stick in hand, running shoes on feet.  Yeah, well, except that didn’t happen.  For breakfast one morning, I had brownie batter.  That’s right, batter. I didn’t even cook it.  I was jonesing for the chocolate so bad, it’s really a wonder that I even put the water, eggs and oil in the mix.

The cobwebs of last week’s negativity are still clinging to me a bit and I’m behind in my work.  In this new career, if you get behind a little, you get behind a lot.  I can make it up since I believe in the value proposition of what I do; however, next week, I’m going to have to run three times as fast. I know that I have all that work to look forward to and I know that there is no one to blame but myself.  Don’t you just hate that?!  When you want to get your mad on at someone, but the only person who really deserves it is yourself?

I haven’t cared enough to fight, that’s my real crime.  We talk about it all the time – we fight cravings, we fight laziness, we fight poor decisions.  We do all of these things because we are fighting for ourselves.  I didn’t do that this week.  I let the tide of apathy wash over me carrying with it reruns of NCIS and brownie batter when I should have been fighting that tide with walks and tri-colored carrots.

No, Apathy isn’t a city in Greece and it’s not a cataclysmic force, either.  It is a slowly rising tide – the one that rises so slowly, you don’t realize you’re in over your head until you actually are.  Apathy creeps up on us.  It steals into our diets one snack at a time and into our wardrobes with larger sizes and elastic waists. Apathy is the root of more failure than any other factor and we don’t even notice it.  We have to notice it, though.  We have to remember the end goal and keep working towards it.

I failed this week in a big way; however, because I know that denial isn’t a river in Egypt (Oh, c’mon! Don’t act like you didn’t know that was coming), I have to own these failures, forgive myself for them, and move on.