When the Wheels Come Off

wheels-offHi, everyone. It’s been a couple of weeks since I visited with you. The short story is that the wheels have come off of my life again and, frankly, I’ve been pouting about it.

I’ve been angry and pouting with nothing positive to say; so, I’ve been quiet.

Remember last month when I differentiated between incompatibility and failure? Or maybe at the first of this month when I talked about acknowledging, accepting and solving? I believed all of that when I wrote it and, in my brain, I still do.  The big problem with that whole thought process is that the brain, the logical brain, is not the only thing involved.  The emotional brain is also in the process and my emotional brain has been telling me that I’m full of it for the last couple of weeks.

For the umpteenth time (it seems) I’m back at square one.  I’m disheartened, frustrated and angry about it. I’ve always tried to teach my son to work hard and to play fair.  My emotional brain still believes that; however, my logical brain is questioning all of that in a big way. I’ve watched people who are incompetent and lazy – but who are great at selling themselves (and abilities they don’t have) – be promoted where the talented worker bees get stuck. I’ve watched the unethical rise to the top while the ethical are either stuck or released.

I wonder if I’ve done my son a disservice – as far as professional success goes, anyway.

For years, I have worked hard, given my best efforts to make the whole enterprise successful. I’ve watched the self-serving and parasitic cash larger checks and receive promotions all while the people giving the most are patted on their heads and sent on their way. (See? I told you I was angry.) This is not how the wheels came off this time, but it’s happened before. This latest nightmare has just rekindled anger from past injustices.

That’s how it often is, I think. Life punches me in the throat and I get angry – about that punch and about ones I thought I wasn’t angry about anymore. Clearly, I am.

I know that I’m not the only one struggling with anger, disappointment and the depression (and bad food cravings) that always ride shotgun. I’m trying very hard to reestablish a solution-oriented attitude.

I could use any tips you guys have to offer.

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9 thoughts on “When the Wheels Come Off

  1. I struggle with the same question regarding my children – have I not lived up to their expectations? I set a goal this year to be the man, husband and father I think I should be. A mentor of mine told me I need to change that to be the man, husband and father my wife and kids think I am. Fact is, between you and your son, there is only one person lamenting a disservice – you. Your son loves you for you. Focus on what you want to do with your life – what gets all this emotional garbage out of your head and makes you feel justified. I guarantee you that if you feel successful, then you will think your son thinks you’re successful. Jon Anne – you gave life to the child, I know you love him and I dare say he knows it, too. I do not pretend to know your son, haven’t met him. But, if he is anything like his mother then you have nothing to worry about.

    Is life fair? It is what you make it. I see the perceived injustices as well, but let me ask you this – would you trade places with them? Would you sell your soul or otherwise unethically seek some material gain? You know I am just a phone call away if I can do anything for you. Love ya!

    • Thanks, Chris! As you know, I’m a big proponent of being able to live with the person I see in the mirror; so, no, I wouldn’t trade places with them. I’m just tired, angry and frustrated. I’m making the best of what I’ve got right now and I’ll continue to do that. It would be okay with me if I could have more than a couple of years of calm between storms.

    • You know, I thought about that, but the details really aren’t that important. The essential point is that I failed. The objective reason is likely that the financial services job I pursued was just not a good fit for me. I am, however, very poor at admitting that I cannot do something. I believe that if I work hard enough, believe enough and do the right things, I’ll be successful. It hasn’t been true in this case. as I said, due likely to incompatibility. However, in prior failures, that hasn’t been the case. This latest event has just dredged up all kinds of garbage from previous instances – losing jobs to less productive bosses’ children, taking blame for poor business plans or for poor execution, massive hurricanes, etc. All those self-confidence destroying dragons I thought I’d slayed proved to be merely sleeping. They’ve awakened these past few weeks and have been intent on scorching and devouring me.

  2. I contend that this last was not a ‘failure’ but a misfit. As I’ve said, I do not respond to pushy salespeople and there are more like me. This misfit cost you a LOT of energy and time and yes, to be angry about that is human. You are a great person with many talents and are loved by many. You have to keep going–http://fox5sandiego.com/local-news/stories/ex-nfl-player-hits-streets-for-job/#axzz2l1VmeJfl. We are not alone; we have each other.

  3. Jon Anne. Life isn’t fair. We all know that. But you said it yourself, you have to be comfortable living with the person you see in the mirror. If you received a promotion just for being the bosses daughter… would you want to look that person in the eye each morning? You are where you are because of the choices you’ve made. Whatever happened, you can’t change it. You CAN change how you react to it. I realize I sound like I’m fresh off a DIY Inspirational Vintage Wood Sign from Pinterest, but it’s true.
    Now, you’ve had a while to be mad, it’s time to count your blessings. Redirect the calories you’re wasting on misery, and focus on the things that make you smile. Your son, your family, your fans (one of which can help with a resume if it’s a work issue… just sayin’).
    There are some days, I don’t want to read your blog, because I know it’ll make me put down the cheetos. It’ll make me take my lunch hour and go for a run. Or God forbid… it’ll make me smile, when all I want to be is miserable. Then I see it in my email, and Judy reposts in her FB feed, and you force me out of my funk.
    Life isn’t fair. It sucks sometimes that we have to grow up and pay bills when others somehow skate by on their looks or their family name. At the end of the day, would you rather be someone who has been gifted their life, or someone that has had to claw her way thru it in order to appreciate the little things?
    You got this…. I have faith in you.

  4. maybe you’re just not where you’re supposed to be yet . . . at the end of your journey you’ll be able to look back and 1) be thankful, 2) see how necessary it was, and/or 3) wouldn’t change a thing. thanks as always for keepin’ it real!

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