Just For Me

Love yourself

My friend Kent read yesterday’s piece and, like the wonderful friend he is, said, “Time to be blunt. I didn’t see the weight gain until YOU mentioned it.” That may be true; but, I saw it and my vision is really the most important one here – as long as it stays realistic.

What I mean is this: I’m the one who has to feel comfortable in my own skin and, right now, I don’t. I feel bloated, thick and weak. I don’t like feeling this way, particularly since I now know what it feels like to feel svelte and strong. Okay, maybe I wasn’t exactly svelte in everyone’s definition, but I certainly was in my own and I want to feel that way again.

I don’t like feeling winded when I walk up one flight of stairs. I don’t like feeling like I have rolls of fat on my belly. I don’t like feeling like I have no control over my appetite. Frankly, right now, I do feel winded, fat and out of control. My feet, knees and hips hurt. I’m the only one who can change that. I changed it before and I can do it again.

Now, if you look at my activity sheet from yesterday, you’ll notice that there are no structured exercises or accidental exercises listed. That’s because I was so worthless that I wasn’t worth the 12 cents for the bullet to shoot me. Working nights is more tiring that I ever imagined when I worked a regular schedule. I just don’t rest as well during my work week. So, at least once a month, I sleep most of 24 hours on a day off. Yesterday was that day.  You’ll also notice that I did not consume enough calories.

I should consume at least 1200 calories per day just to fuel my basic bodily functions. If I consume fewer than that, my body will react by going into starvation mode, converting all calories to fat. I will also become listless, confused and will feel cold all the time – at least that’s what happened when I consumed too few calories during The Great Reduction. I will have to plan my meals better so that I get the calories I need to function and to burn excess fat efficiently.

Whether I want to look better or feel better, this endeavour is all about me, really, isn’t it? It’s what I want for myself. It’s not that I look or feel just horrible now; but, I know what it feels like to feel better and I want that again – just for myself.

 

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5 thoughts on “Just For Me

  1. Worthless is a word that is unworthy for you to use since you are extremely valuable. Rest is not worthless but rather replenishing.

  2. THAT WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT…I could weigh 120 pounds and feel horrible about myself or 170 pounds and feel great about myself. It is about our self-esteem!

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