Good morning! And what a lovely morning it is! I am finally feeling more like myself!!!
This morning I can report that the vertigo is gone, the rumbling has quieted, the fatigue has relented, I successfully returned to work yesterday and, get this: last night I slept over EIGHT HOURS! Whoot! The sleep alone is cause for celebration, I can tell you.
I still cannot manage to get two full protein shakes down in a day, but I can get one and a half and I’m working on two, just easing up on it by adding vanilla protein shake to my decaf coffee instead of creamer. I am conscientiously getting my 64 ounces of fluids in every day and am taking all the supplements I’m supposed to. In theory, I can add some soft foods this week, but I’m really fearful of rocking the boat at the point and may wait until I have gotten comfortable with drinking at least two protein shakes a day.
The biggest struggle I still have is with the anesthesia brain. SO FRUSTRATING! I have the attention span of a goldfish and it’s really getting on my nerves. Seriously, my mind is a pinball bouncing between thought bumpers then occasionally rolling around aimlessly. It’s ridiculous. I know that time will take care of that; however, as I’ve told you before, patience is not my forte.
This morning, I went for my first walk in several days. I walked only half a mile, not a full one. I don’t want to get ahead of myself again. This walk saw me walking faster than before and paying more attention to the mechanics of my body. I tend to sway my back when I stand or walk; so, this morning, I concentrated on tucking my butt. You wouldn’t think that would be that difficult, but when you have the attention span of a goldfish, it’s a constant internal litany of “tuck your butt. tuck your butt.” I also tend to be slew-footed, particularly with my left foot. So I was also reminding myself to keep my toes pointed forward. The internal chatter, then, was more like, “tuck your butt, tuck your butt, toes to the front. Tuck your butt, tuck your butt, toes to the front.” With a slick guitar riff, we could have a real hit on our hands with that, I’m sure.
The first week of this experience was not easy, not gonna lie. I’ve been through worse, but it was harder than I expected. The second week was no picnic – again, because I underestimated how difficult recovery would be. But this third week is starting off pretty nicely, I have to say! I am feeling much, much better – more like myself. I feel like I am returning to my center and getting closer to plumb.
Crucial note: I am not a doctor, nurse, or Healthcare professional of any kind. I am a patient, volunteering information about my experience in the hope that someone like me might find it helpful. I am not advocating bariatric surgery or weight management by any means. For those kinds of decisions, you should always consult professionals. Never base any aspect of your health on the opinion of a stranger on the internet.
I grew up in south central Mississippi, about 2.5 hours travel time north of New Orleans. Until 3rd grade, I went to a Catholic school where (I believe) all the nuns were from Louisiana. I’m not cajun and, in spite of having lived in New Orleans for nearly 3 years, would not even claim to be a New Orleanian. I have a tremendous amount of respect for those people and their culture. Too much respect to claim to be one of them. I’m just a girl from Mississippi they let hang around for a while.
My father was a big fan of the culture, particularly, the cuisine. He quoted this man Justin Wilson as long as I can remember. And while this video doesn’t have him saying it, I remember Dad starting every gumbo (and he made fabulous gumbo) in his best Justin Wilson voice saying, “First, you gonna make a roux.”
So, on Tuesday, the surgical team made a roux….outta me.
The procedure I had is called a Roux En Y. Harkening back to Ms Julia King’s French class in high school, I have been pronouncing that as rooz-en ee-grek. As we do in the States, though, we say things however we want to (I’m looking at you Versailles, Kentucky, Cairo, Georgia, and Milan, Tennessee – ver-SALES, KAY-roh, and MY-lan, respectively). Although people around me kept saying “rue on why,” it took me an embarrassing amount of time to make the connection.
ANYWAY, if you want to check out the above link, you can find out what they do during the surgery. I had some concept of that going into it, but didn’t really have a full idea of what it was going to mean coming out on the other side. I have that idea now, though, I can tell you for true!
Patients are not going to have the same experiences with any surgery. And the center knows that; so, there were some possible post-operative issues they didn’t mention to me prior to surgery. I suppose there is always the caution of not wanting to suggest a condition that a patient might not experience without the suggestion. And because I may be writing now to someone thinking about having this procedure, I won’t go into everything here. I don’t want to suggest anything, either.
I will, however, mention one thing that is extremely important to be aware of and wary of – post surgical depression. I had read about the risk of it prior to surgery; but, I really didn’t consider it. After all, I’ve had several surgeries before and it’s never been an issue – until now. This time, it was a big issue. There are likely several contributing factors that I will share with you in case you are considering this surgery and you have some form of depression.
General surgery anxiety. Anesthesia carries a risk. Any patient being put under runs of the risk of not waking up. It’s a very small risk, but it’s there.
Sharply decreased stomach size. If, like me, you take any kind of extended release medication, you’ll need to talk with your doctor about it. Nothing is in your stomach pouch long enough for an extended release to work. Your doctor will talk with you about options.
Low blood sugar. As I’ve said, for the ten days prior to surgery, I was drinking clear liquids and protein shakes only. My caloric intake was less than 800 calories per day. My system did not handle that particularly well when it came to mood. If you have a close relationship to someone with diabetes, you know they get cranky when their blood sugar falls. Hell! We all do! Otherwise, you would have no idea what I mean when I say that I’m hangry.
Disrupted sleep patterns. Not all bariatric surgery patients experience sleep loss. I have and I continue to. On average, I sleep for about 90 minutes at a time and am then awake for several hours. I’m not sure why this is and, like I said, not everyone goes through it; but, I certainly am. Sleep deprivation is a well-documented cause of mental distress.
Dependence on others. I was finally released to drive yesterday; however, due to some on-going light-headedness, I have still not ventured out. For a woman who does most things for herself, this is difficult to take. I am not safe to drive yet. I’m not allowed to lift anything over five pounds. I cannot do chores like vacuuming or taking out the trash. It is absolutely maddening.
Confusion. Anesthesia has lingering effects that can result in confusion or an inability to focus on anything. An inability to focus can quickly become general disinterest in everything, which is a double first cousin to depression.
Hormones. Estrogen is stored in subcutaneous fat cells. Rapid fat loss results in rapid estrogen release. During this first week, I have lost 13 pounds. Surely some of that was visceral fat that does not store estrogen but more of it was likely subcutaneous fat. I’ve heard various people describe it as going through puberty again or through menopause again. Regardless, raging hormones are just not a good time. One member of my team described it yesterday as a “vibe.” I think of Vibes as involving flowy clothing, Jimmy Buffett songs and weed. Lemme tell you, sugar – this ain’t that.
So, we have some potential contributing factors, What are we going to do about them?
Choose the best facility you can for your procedure. Read reviews, but be sure to keep a grain of salt in there and remember that people are more likely to complain loudly than compliment loudly. Check the number of procedures they have done and how your surgeon handles each one. All surgery carries risk. Just know that and find the best team you can.
Get ahead of it. Talk to your psychiatrist ahead of your surgery so that they can be on the alert with you and can be working on a plan with new meds or therapies before you need them.
Prepare. For my first week after surgery, I was allowed to have clear liquids only. Any flavored waters, gelatin, or frozen pops had to be sugar free. However, I could also have bone broth. That may not do much for your blood sugar, but it will give you some added nutrients. I was also allowed to have protein water. Our bodies don’t break down protein as quickly as sugar or carbs; however, they will convert protein into energy. I got some Oath protein powder that mixed into water. The strawberry-kiwi flavor was good and gave me 20 grams of protein in a 16 ounce drink, helping to level out my blood sugar.
Sleep when you can, but start moving. This week has felt a lot like being a new mother; but, as a friend said, I’m both the mother and the new baby. If I’m overwhelmingly sleepy, I’ll take a short nap. However, if I’m not doing anything but sitting on the couch all day, I’m not likely to get tired, am I? My team recommends walking a little every hour (given that I’m consuming 64 ounces of liquid a day, I’m up every half hour or so), and starting to walk for exercise. I take a walk around my neighborhood in the morning and again in the afternoon. My Amazon music service has been performing very poorly; so, I’ve switched to Sirius and am enjoying the Charlie Sexton Station as I make my rounds.
Talk to your caregivers. They are doing their normal thing and are not feeling the caged sensations that you are. Tell them. If your caregiver is not with you all the time, talk to other friends to perhaps set up a trip to the store or, at the very least, a good chat on the phone,
Give yourself grace. This is one of those things that takes time. The chemicals have to work themselves out of your system, Getting moving will help with that since that movement increases respiration, which gets clear air into your lungs. Also stick to simple tasks. Now may not be the time to take up jigsaw puzzles or crochet.
Buckle up. The hormones are there and have to find their own way out. Talk to the people closest to you to let them know that you are struggling with this and that sometimes you don’t even know you’re losing the struggle. The pimple-faced teenager in your mind is getting way too much time in control of your thought processes. My teenager is broody, selfish and can be truly mean. Yesterday, I saw a coping mechanism to deal with poisonous self-talk that I am starting to use. This woman said that she gave her hateful self-talk a name – Becky. (I haven’t chosen a name for mine yet.) Anyway, anytime she wakes and the mental self-abuse begins, she addresses her mind and says, “Becky, I love you, dear, but I have far to much to do today to get mired down in this with you.” “Becky, I’m quite busy now. We’ll have to talk later.” I really like that and am beginning to put it into my toolbox for better internal dialogue.
Clearly, lots to say today, right? My roux and Justin’s roux are two enTIREly different things; however, each involves taking existing ingredients and combining them in a way to make something wonderful.
I already hurt less and am making tremendous progress. This new healthier body and outlook is going to be the best gumbo I’ve ever had.
A few weeks ago, I was having a terrible week at work. I mean the whole thing was just a waste of calendar space. That Friday, my boss and I were getting coffee at the same time and he asked how my week had gone. For about a nanosecond, I considered a bald-faced lie. Confession: lying makes me feel light-headed. At that moment, I hadn’t even had my first cup o’ Joe yet; so, the risk of passing out or something equally as embarrassing was high. I opted for the truth. I admitted that had I been unconscious for the week, it might have been worse, but that was probably the only way I would have cratered more effectively. To my surprise, he laughed.
Now, this is one of the reasons I have come to like and respect this man: after I told him what I had done to address the issue, he took this opportunity to encourage and instruct me. He took a crappy situation and used it to make me a better agent and a better person.
He pointed out that I had done the three things necessary to truly rectify the problem:
identify and acknowledge it,
develop a plan to correct it,
implement the plan.
As a result, my professional life has improved dramatically. By now you should know that I just cannot leave well enough alone and that my mind draws parallels between things – sometimes even unlikely things – in this case, between my current professional challenge and my personal weight loss one.
I had identified and acknowledged that I had gained weight – step one. I had developed a plan to correct it – step two. But, I had yet to fully implement that plan – misstep three. Without implementation, the first two steps were nothing more than a mental exercise which is great, don’t get me wrong. But I can do mental push-ups all day long, they ain’t gonna get me back into a size six, you know what I mean?
Step three renewed my zest for exercise which has lead me back into kickboxing. I do love that and can already feel progress. I had to lay out of class on Saturday to rest my fussy knee, but I’ll find the right balance there, I’m sure. Since my son is home from college, I’m doing some weight lifting with him. That helps me switch it up, keep it interesting, build muscle and respect the knee. It’s just all around good stuff.
Bottom line: using just two steps doesn’t work. As it turns out, Schoolhouse Rock was right – three really is a magic number.
I’m actually typing this blog with my nose. It is the only part of my body I can control to any degree right now. It is Wednesday night and I am writing my Thursday blog now because I’m fairly certain I won’t be able to do it tomorrow.
For the first time in about 10.5 months, I attended a kickboxing class tonight. Before my knee surgery, I attended class with Karin’s Kicking Fitness three times a week. I. LOVED. IT. The class is hard, hard work if you really get into it. You can take it easy on yourself if you like and hardly break a sweat, but I don’t. I work hard and smell like a goat when I leave. Here’s the thing: if I’m going to take it easy on myself, I’m going to be on the couch and some beer drinking and hockey watching are going to be involved. If I’m going to pay to attend an exercise class, then, by golly, I’m exercising.
My first class was on Valentine’s Day 2012. I attended three times a week until late July when I hurt my knee (not in class, by the way). During those six months, I missed no more than three classes and became a beast! I was in the best shape of my life, hands down. My core was strong. I could do push ups on my toes and first two knuckles. Squats, lunges, planks, mountain climbers, boot strappers, burpies – bring ’em on! While the classes got easier, they were never easy. Again, I. LOVED. IT. And I have missed it terribly.
Fast forward now through those lazy 10.5 months of The Great Regain and we get to tonight. I was so excited to be able to go to class. I had my knee in a brace and, because Karin is a physical therapist assistant who had worked with me during recovery, I was confident that she would watch me to make certain that I didn’t do anything to hurt myself. My confidence was well placed. She watched me and suggested some adjustments that would give me a good workout, but that would protect that knee. The workout was hard – harder than I remember. There were a couple of times when I was afraid I might have to excuse myself to go “call some dinosaurs.” I managed to hang on, though, and made it through with my dignity mostly intact.
As you decide to exercise, my advice is:
talk to your doctor to make sure your body can handle it – seriously, a heart attack on the treadmill is just a buzzkill for everybody,
consult a professional (a certified personal trainer, if possible) and ask for their help in developing a program that works for you,
DO SOMETHING YOU ENJOY! If you hate it or just tolerate it, you’ll never stick with it.
Tonight, I drove home with my knees, can’t lift my arms and had to pretty much fall out of the car when I arrived at the house. The four-inch step to the stoop required a Herculean effort. Thursday, I may have to pay someone to apply my make-up, brush my teeth and do my hair. Friday, I’ll likely start crying the moment I wake. Saturday, class is at 8 AM and I’ll be there because, yep, I. LOVE. IT.
“Kentucky Fried Movie,” “The Meaning of Life,” “The Gods Must Be Crazy” – I can’t remember which movie has a scene showing a person driving down a short driveway solely to get their mail. Absurd! Preposterous! Who would do such a silly thing?!
Friday, I got home earlier than usual and was walking to my car in preparation to drive to the gym to walk on a treadmill. During the day. When the sun was shining. When the cool temperature held no humidity. Huh. I’m a big fan of the absurd – even when the absurd is me.
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Ultimately, I opted to go for a walk in the real world. It was a trade-off, really.
Treadmill: I would have caught up on some inane television show.
Sidewalk: I was able to review and order my thoughts after a chaotic week. Plus, I saw a bunny!
Treadmill: I would have smelled a whole bunch of sweaty people (including myself).
Sidewalk: I enjoyed the perfume of honeysuckle and privet. The breeze ensured that someone else smelled the invisible goatherder that was apparently walking with me.
Treadmill: I could have stopped anytime I wanted.
Sidewalk: I was forced to cowboy up since there was no one to carry me home.
Treadmill: I would have been listening to my playlist.
Sidewalk: I connected with my world.
Since my bias is so cleverly hidden, I’ll just tell you that the sidewalk was the better route. I got to enjoy the sunshine, feel the breeze, see where the Walgreens kitty really lives, hear the birds chirping and the leaves tapping together in the wind. I ended up walking 6.2 miles (thank goodness for the Cardio Trainer app on the phone) and I enjoyed all of the 93 minutes…..well, except those last five.
My exercise yesterday was shopping. I know. That doesn’t count. Actually, it does. I walked around the store for over 90 minutes. For 90 minutes I was walking, not sitting, While it wasn’t strenuous exercise for me, it would have counted had I been at the part; so, it counts when I was in Target.
Now, my walk in the park with the pups on Monday was considerably more strenuous. We walked 2 miles at 3.7 mph. Now, you know that math is not my best subject; so, how do I know that’s how fast we walked? I have an app on my phone called Cardio Trainer. The free version tracks how far and how fast I go using my phone’s GPS. It gives me updates along the walk or run to let me know how far I’ve gone. Using the weight I’ve input, it also tells me how many calories I burned and it equates those calories to something I can relate to. The walk on Monday burned two pears’ worth of calories!
It allows me to input all my workouts manually to track everything I do. It will also keep track of all my walks over time; so, in a month or so, it will tell me how far I’ve walked in total and how that relates to my region. By the end of summer, I will have walked to Chattanooga and back, two or more miles at a time, without ever leaving home!
Cardio Trainer has an associated food diary app called Noom. I downloaded that free version last night and will let you know how that goes.
As I told you earlier, I used LoseIt to lose weight before and I’ve been using MyFitnessPal this time. The more I use MyFitnessPal, the less impressed I am, actually. The food diary seems really random and disorganized. That’s such a shame! I had such high hopes for it.
I know there are tons of these programs out there. What are you all using and what do you think of it?
So, I weighed in this morning expecting at least a pound lost and….no. Nada. Nothing. C’mon! As long as I’ve been doing this and as many real causes as my mind can give, this still frustrates me, particularly at 5 AM.
I’ve run into this several times during this last couple of years. Here are some possible culprits:
The fact that I’m a woman in child-bearing years. Girls, you know what I’m talking about. Did you know that we can retain as much as nearly five pounds of water? I feel like a camel.
Too much wheat. My first week at my new job saw me eating about 10 meals of Cheerios and a couple of meals that involved mini bagels. While my calorie counts were okay, too many of those calories were supplied by wheat. I don’t know if all the studies are valid; so, I don’t know that wheat causes weight gain. I just know that, for me, too much wheat makes me feel bloated.
Too much fruit. When I first switched my food choices and when I’ve had to pull myself back onto the wagon, I found that eating a lot of fruit during those first weeks was really helpful with cravings. I had quite a bit of refined sugar in my diet, which just wreaks havoc with my blood sugar. To help me stay with healthful food choices, I replaced the refined sugars with fruit, then decreased the amount of fruit to cut overall sugar consumption. It’s time for me to cut my fruit consumption down to two servings a day. I’ve seen diet plans that recommend that you not eat apples. Apples are actually VERY helpful for me. They are sweet, colorful, crunchy, and full of both fiber and flavor; so, they satisfy my appetite in several ways. You just have to try it for yourself and see how your body does with them.
No enough exercise. I have pretty much been wiped out when I get home at night and have not been getting any movement in. That simply won’t do. For my weight, for my heart, for my muscles, for my bones – I must exercise.
So, what are my solutions and goals for this week?
Nothing much I can do about that whole girl thing but wait it out and drink a lot of water to keep my system flushing.
I have to reduce my wheat intake. This week, I will have no more than two servings of wheat. I will satisfy my grain requirements with oats, brown rice and quinoa.
I will have no more than two fruit servings per day.
I will get in at least four hours of exercise this week that will include at least five days.
If we are connected on MyFitnessPal, you can hold me accountable for my exercise – and I EXPECT YOU TO! If you don’t see me moving during the week, send me a little nudge. If we are not connected on MyFitnessPal, why aren’t we? Connect with me and let me know your goals and how you’re doing. Let’s help each other.
The keys to breaking through this stall are:
modify my behavior. To get different results, I must do different things.
(and this is most important) DO NOT ALLOW OLD, NEGATIVE THINKING PATTERNS TO DEFEAT ME.
I have been my own worst enemy. It is long past time I became my own best friend and defender.
If you have a fat dog, you’re not getting enough exercise.
Doctors always tell you that to lose weight you have to change your diet AND exercise. Now, let me let you in on something here: I hate to break a sweat. Seriously. Hate. It. I don’t mind so much once I’m sweaty, but crossing that barrier just grosses me out something awful. Plus, I would really rather just sit on the couch. The sitting on the couch routine was killing me; so, it was time to adjust.
The truth is, my Labrador was a little chunky. So, my exercise started with walking my dogs three times a week. I started walking for 30 minutes at a moderate pace. As the days passed, I added distance. Then I added speed until the pups and I were walking 5 miles in 70 minutes. The Lab and I were dragging at the end of that. The Soup Hound was grateful for the warm up. Nobody likes it when one of the party is that perky after such a workout.
I bought some yoga discs that I did at home once or twice a week. I started slipping more accidental exercise – parking further from the door, taking my shopping cart all the way back in the store, that sort of thing – nothing particularly strenuous. Before I hurt my knee, I ran one day a week – 2.5 miles on the last time, I went to kickboxing three times a week, I used yard work as exercise one day a week and I went to the batting cages and driving range one day a week. That day was a light exercise day; but, movement is movement. It counted and it was fun.
As I told you, after I hurt my knee, I went sedentary again. However, I’ve joined one of those 24 gym places now and had my first workout with a trainer. I couldn’t move afterwards. It was discouraging. BUT – I know that as I keep going and keep working, I will see results.
Walking, cycling and using the elliptical machines increase endurance. Sit-ups, push-ups, and planks strengthen core and upper body. Squats strengthen legs and rear. These things will work. I know they do – they did before.
The biggest challenge then – and now – is making myself go. I can find a million reasons why I should do something other than exercise. To be honest, I’m still struggling with that right now as I am more mobile.
What do you use to motivate yourself?
Thoughts about everything and nothing in an effort to be a better person than I was yesterday.
The Daily Doty 