Tag Archives: Health

Fencing Fear

foil fencing-001A recent networking function went like they do: socializing, personal introductions, elevator speeches, target referrals, speaker. Jim, the speaker, had some really interesting points to make about fear which got me thinking further.  (By now you know that I’m prone to that kind of thing – taking an idea and running afield with it.)

In the same industry, Jim and I deal with subjects that are less than warm and fuzzy – a lot less.  We talk with people about loss – loss of life, income, and health – the stuff nobody wants to talk about.  Stuff we are afraid to talk about. Afraid to jinx ourselves by even mentioning misfortune lest we summon up that Boogeyman by uttering his name. Afraid to admit that we don’t understand. Afraid that we are not doing it right. Afraid that someone will tell us to change something. Afraid to find out that we are wrong. And, sometimes, afraid to find out that we are right.

We all fear things: failure, success, spiders, change, vulnerability, loss, ridicule, orange food. Okay, that last one may just be Billy Bob Thornton, but the rest of our fears are fairly universal.  We can’t let them dictate our lives; but, that’s a struggle.

I started this blog to talk about losing weight acquired during The Great Regain.  As it happened, I started a new job at the same time and, frankly, the weight loss is not going so great.  I’m terrified that I’m going to gain it all back and fail publicly.  I’m terrified that I’m going to gain it all back and disappoint myself and my son. I’m terrified that I’m going to gain it all back and fail all of you who have been so complimentary and supportive.  I’m terrified that I’m going to gain it all back.  Period.

It seems that every day I start with new resolve and, every day, I let myself get sidetracked by something – muffins at a coffee appointment, M&Ms for lunch, no energy for the gym.  I know what the answers are here.  I’ve done it.  Schedule time for exercise and stick with it. Make your meals beforehand. Fill three-quarters of the plate with vegetables. Plan. Plan. Plan.

Exercise plan. Meal plan. Game plan. Battle plan.  I have to develop and adhere to all four to combat and defeat my fear of losing more ground. I have to go on the offensive to regain the ground I’ve lost. I’ve got to remember that I’m the only one who can do it and that I cannot let up until I’ve reached my goal.

En guarde, y’all!

The Cassandra Effect

Cassandra by Evelyn De Morgan (1898, London)Recently, I’ve been identifying with Cassandra – you know, the daughter of King Priam and Queen Hecuba.  With her fair skin, curly red hair, and blue eyes, Greek mythology portrays her as intelligent, beautiful, charming, and elegant.  Check, check, check, and check. She is also shown as friendly, gentle and a great Scrabble player.  Oh, yeah – and insane.  I made up the Scrabble part, but the insane thing is totally there.  But, wait! She was insane for good reason.  Apollo.  (Wouldn’t you know that a man would be involved?) Because of her beauty, he gave her the gift of prophecy. But, he hit on her, she blew him off, he cursed her.  Her curse was that, although she could foresee the future, no one would believe her. Cassandra is the original queen of I Told You So.

Maybe it’s middle age. Maybe it’s new knowledge. Maybe it’s conceit.  Whatever the root, I seem to spend a great deal of time these days thinking, “If I had only known then what I know now.” With my new career, I have the zeal of a convert.  This new knowledge is fascinating and so very useful that I feel compelled to share it with people I know. Everyone I know.  Even the ones who don’t want to hear it. It’s possible that I’m the tiniest bit obnoxious about it.  Just the tiniest bit, mind you.

When I quit smoking, I never really became a non-smoker.  I didn’t become one of those who crinkled their noses at the smell of smoke or gazed condescendingly at smokers. Six years later, I sometimes gaze at them with jealousy, if you want to  know the truth, but never with condescension.  Oddly enough, I can’t say the same thing about food. I’ve gotten really weird about that.

Last month, I went to the Renaissance Festival because I still like to play dress-up and because they have Scotch eggs there. While there, I was nearly physically ill with what I saw – whole families of obese to morbidly obese people eating turkey legs, funnel cakes and fried potatoes.  The lines for the food vendors were ridiculous all day even though authenticity wasn’t on the menu – I’m pretty sure Elizabethan Brits didn’t wander around noshing on chocolate dipped cheesecake on a stick.  I watched as America’s future disabled stumbled around with hands holding literally thousands of calories.  Worse than the adults eating garbage were adults feeding garbage to already overweight children! The view from my high horse was truly amazing.

I’ve told you all I struggle and I lose (these days as often as I win, it seems); so, I’m seated squarely in the middle of a glass house here as far as food goes. I see health insurance rates rising. We all see the panic in the media; but what we don’t see are things we can actually do about it.  Losing weight and eating more wholesome foods are two things we can do to reduce our healthcare costs.  I don’t suspect it – I know it.

Before making these massive changes, I was in the doctor’s office at least once, if not twice, a month.  I didn’t feel good.  Various complaints, but the common thread was feeling tired and run down. Since changing my diet nearly two years ago, I have been to my family doctor…once.  For a rash on my nose.  Once.

We’ve got Medicare and Medicaid helping the retired and the needy in our society and we need those.  I wonder, though, how much health care for avoidable disabilities is costing those programs. I’m talking about people who are disabled because of poor lifestyle choices, not by genetics or misfortune but from diet and exercises choices they made.

The country is getting fatter.  This is a health crisis now; but, if we don’t address it, it’s going to be a financial one in the near future, as well.

It’s Just a Number….Right?

I’m both frustrated and elated this morning.  Frustrated because the number on the scale hasn’t moved in a few days.  Elated because my jeans have room in the waist, thighs and rear.  My number may not be decreasing, but my size is.

feather on scalesI’ve always said that I could weigh 300 pounds, as long as I’m a size 6 or 8, I don’t care.  I have a confession.  That is a lie.  100% untrue.  Blatant falsehood.  I’m surprised I haven’t been stuck dead when I’ve said it.  I want to be able to cheerfully chirp “120, fiddle-dee-dee” while batting my eyelashes and fanning myself when someone asks me what I weigh.  The truth is that I probably wouldn’t weight 120 pounds if I were mummified.

I love to swim. I learned when I was two and have been a fish pretty much ever since.  The thing about swimming is this: fat floats.  At my largest, I floated some 3 cm above the water.  At 15 pounds over my goal weight, I went swimming for the first time in years.  I got in the water and did what I always did – went under and pushed off the side.  When I rose to the top, I began to do the front crawl.  The problem was that I didn’t rise to the top.  I stayed level.  Underwater.  Well, that was new.  At that time, I weighed 160 pounds….hardly petite.

I have to face facts – my body is not built to have a healthy weight of 120.  At 140, I was actually a little too thin.  Regardless of what the BMI says (and I’m told that people who really know don’t use that anymore), my body is best at 145 to 150.  I have a medium bone structure with athletic musculature, if not grace, talent or coordination. I know that I can no more change that than I can change the color of the sky, still, a part of me is wistful.

My jeans are looser and I’ll be back in my cute clothes within a month or so.  I can’t let the bathroom tyrant ruin my day, my thinking or my behavior.  Remind me of that later, will you?

Monday Morning…um….Yellows

Yellow-LightConfession.  Last Monday, I wasn’t annoyed that the scales showed no weight loss.  I was annoyed because they showed a seven pound gain!  I knew that wasn’t valid; however, I was still all kinds of irritated.  If you’ll notice, as of today, 22 April 2013, the weight loss counter shows a total loss of only six pounds.  So, yes, last Monday, the scales showed that for all of my efforts, I had gained a pound.

This morning, the scales show me back down at the six pound total loss.  I promise that from this point forward, I will be 100% honest with you about the scale results.  I didn’t want to do that last week, however, because I knew that the numbers were flawed and I knew that if I pushed through, they would correct.  However, if you are just starting your weight loss journey, that kind of information could just torpedo the whole project right there – or, at least, it would have for me in times past.

So, I’m back to square two, and that’s not such a bad place to be.  The momentum is heading in the right direction and the things I did last week worked; so, I will continue doing those this week:

  1. I drank LOTS of water – in the form of water or coffee, I drank at least 8 pints a day.
  2. I kept my wheat portions down to no more than two in the whole week.  I satisfied my grain needs with steel cut oats.  This week, I will add a little brown rice.
  3. I ate no more than two fruit servings per day.
  4. I got in at least four hours of exercise this week that included five days. I’ll be honest, a couple of those days were kind of phone-in efforts.  This week, I add that I will get in four hours of exercise that include me getting sweaty and include at least five days.

As ever for those of us with chronic, self-esteem related weight issues, the keys are:

  1. modify my behavior.  To get different results, I must do different things.
  2. (and this is most important) DO NOT ALLOW OLD, NEGATIVE THINKING PATTERNS TO DEFEAT ME.  

I will continue to be my own best friend and defender rather than my own worst enemy.

Baby Steps Count

When I first started losing weight, I can’t tell you how many people lamented that they, too, would lose weight if only they could exercise.  My thought was that unless you are a quadriplegic, you can. Then, I injured my knee.

I couldn’t exercise in the ways I had been and in the ways I wanted; so, I pretty much just stopped. I pouted, threw a little pity party complete with cake and ice cream….and elastic waistbands until I forgot how I started.

I walked the dogs.

So, you can’t run a marathon.  Walk.  So, you can’t walk far.  Walk a little and build up. You can’t walk fast.  Walk slowly. Walk the dogs. Park further from the grocery store door. Eventually, take the stairs instead of the elevator.  You don’t have to be able to climb Everest today.  It will wait while you work up to it!

I have a friend whose knees are in such hideous shape that even thinking about how they grind and pop makes me shiver.  She can swim. She can do leg lifts.  She can lift weights with her arms. She can still move.

Remember how when we were children we ran everywhere just because we could? We experienced the joy of movement! Find something that lets you feel that joy again. I felt it yesterday just walking from my office to the nearby grocery store.  I felt my muscles waking, stretching, and contracting as they corrected my balance and allowed me to move.  Our bodies are truly wondrous machines!

Heather blossoms
Heather blossoms

After work, the pups and I went to the park and had a nice, long walk like we used to. We felt the warm sun and the cool breeze. We smelled the perfume of the flowering trees.  They spotted a deer and tried to go befriend it (I’m sure that’s what they had in mind). They loved it. I loved it.

It’s a beautiful time of year to start – to remember the joy of moving and the wonder of Spring. It may be a little cliché to say that we should let the season remind us of our own potential, new beginnings and growth; but, why waste a good cliché?  Let’s use it! Let’s start again.

Monday Morning Blues

Treble clef bike stand in NashvilleSo, I weighed in this morning expecting at least a pound lost and….no. Nada. Nothing. C’mon!  As long as I’ve been doing this and as many real causes as my mind can give, this still frustrates me, particularly at 5 AM.

I’ve run into this several times during this last couple of years.  Here are some possible culprits:

  1. The fact that I’m a woman in child-bearing years.  Girls, you know what I’m talking about.  Did you know that we can retain as much as nearly five pounds of water? I feel like a camel.
  2. Too much wheat.  My first week at my new job saw me eating about 10 meals of Cheerios and a couple of meals that involved mini bagels.  While my calorie counts were okay, too many of those calories were supplied by wheat.  I don’t know if all the studies are valid; so, I don’t know that wheat causes weight gain.  I just know that, for me, too much wheat makes me feel bloated.
  3. Too much fruit. When I first switched my food choices and when I’ve had to pull myself back onto the wagon, I found that eating a lot of fruit during those first weeks was really helpful with cravings.  I had quite a bit of refined sugar in my diet, which just wreaks havoc with my blood sugar.  To help me stay with healthful food choices, I replaced the refined sugars with fruit, then decreased the amount of fruit to cut overall sugar consumption.  It’s time for me to cut my fruit consumption down to two servings a day.  I’ve seen diet plans that recommend that you not eat apples.  Apples are actually VERY helpful for me.  They are sweet, colorful, crunchy, and full of both fiber and flavor; so, they satisfy my appetite in several ways.  You just have to try it for yourself and see how your body does with them.
  4. No enough exercise.  I have pretty much been wiped out when I get home at night and have not been getting any movement in.  That simply won’t do. For my weight, for my heart, for my muscles, for my bones – I must exercise.

So, what are my solutions and goals for this week?

  1. Nothing much I can do about that whole girl thing but wait it out and drink a lot of water to keep my system flushing.
  2. I have to reduce my wheat intake. This week, I will have no more than two servings of wheat.  I will satisfy my grain requirements with oats, brown rice and quinoa.
  3. I will have no more than two fruit servings per day.
  4. I will get in at least four hours of exercise this week that will include at least five days.

If we are connected on MyFitnessPal, you can hold me accountable for my exercise – and I EXPECT YOU TO! If you don’t see me moving during the week, send me a little nudge.  If we are not connected on MyFitnessPal, why aren’t we? Connect with me and let me know your goals and how you’re doing. Let’s help each other.

The keys to breaking through this stall are:

  1. modify my behavior.  To get different results, I must do different things.
  2. (and this is most important) DO NOT ALLOW OLD, NEGATIVE THINKING PATTERNS TO DEFEAT ME.  

I have been my own worst enemy.  It is long past time I became my own best friend and defender.

Nutrition and the Forty Hour Work Week

Until last week, I was unemployed for a few months.  During that time, I was shocked to discover how quickly I fell out of rhythm with the rest of the world.  It was so simple to go to bed a little later, sleep a little longer, take a quick nap after I got all caught up on Castle, NCIS, Property Brothers and  The Mentalist.  I was sedentary.  I ate what I wanted, when I wanted and how much I wanted.  I gained weight.

Last week, I started not only a new job, but also a new career.  I’ve gone from aviation to financial services and I am loving it.  I’m working with a tremendous group of professionals who are constantly training and helping me.

Clock made wih food

I have also gone from spending most of my time alone to spending at least nine hours a day with other people.  I’ve gone from an industry I knew a great deal about to one that is full of new concepts, new laws, new products and new opportunities.  At the end of a full day of interacting and learning, I’ve got to admit, I’m exhausted.

I take my lunch and my morning and afternoon snacks to work with me.  Those meals are well thought-out and balanced.  It’s the others that are falling between the cracks.

I have eaten an embarrassing volume of Cheerios this week.  More often than not, both breakfast and dinner have been cereal with unsweetened vanilla almond milk.  Evening snack is a stick of string cheese.  While I’m not killing my calorie count with this, I’m not helping my body.  I’m not giving it the fuel it needs to operate efficiently and healthfully.  And, isn’t that what this is about?  Getting healthy?  Giving my body what it needs so that I can live a longer, healthier life?  Yep.  The last time I checked, that was the ultimate mission.

To help me resolve this nutritional short-fall and to pluck out a bad habit before it takes root, I have been working on a menu for next week.  I will share that with you on Saturday.  For this menu, I’ll be breaking it down to seven breakfasts, lunches and dinners, as well as 21 snacks.  I’m not going to plan them out day by day this time.  To get it all really balanced, I’ll have to do that in the future, but if I wait to do anything until I can do that, it’ll be weeks.  So, since even baby steps in the right direction are progress, this will be my first baby step: a week’s worth of mix and match meals.

I know that the planning will be very helpful for me and I hope it will be helpful for you, as well.  Will it be?

Putting My Back Into It

I have either had or believed I had a weight problem most of my life.  I have lost weight and found it all again; but, most of the time, I’ve just wished I could lose weight or (at least) said that I wanted to.  I haven’t REALLY done much about it other than to lose and gain the same ten pounds about a hundred times.  If there were a Frequent Loser instead of a Biggest Loser, I’d be the Grand Champion!  Several people have asked me what made this difference this time.  What made me stick with it?  What made it work?

I would soooo love to give you some fantastic formula. (Oh, who am I kidding? I’d love to SELL you some fantastic formula!) But I just don’t have one.  The truth is – I don’t know.

Maybe it was realizing that I am approaching menopause when weight loss will be more difficult.  Maybe it was realizing that the health risks associated with obesity weren’t just risks anymore, but were becoming real and showing up in my blood pressure. Maybe it was wanting to meet my grandchildren someday. Maybe it was losing those first 20 pounds so quickly.  Maybe it was some combination.  I don’t know.

Chain GangAs a senior in college, I spoke with a professor when I was thinking about attending law school. “Doty, ” he said, “you’ll fail.  And when you do, you’ll be devastated. You’ll fail not because you’re not smart enough, but because you don’t want it enough.”

He was right.  It wasn’t important enough for me to put my back into it.  I didn’t want it enough to give it everything I had.  I would have failed.  If I had wanted it badly enough, his words wouldn’t have stopped me – but they did.

Maybe, the answer for why the lifestyle change worked this time is just that simple.  Maybe I didn’t want it enough before.

Maybe this time, I wanted comfort, health, and possible grandchildren more than I wanted Phish Food.  Maybe this time I believed it was the worth the effort to save my own life.

Maybe this time, I valued myself enough to put my back into it.

Adult Supervision Required in Aisle Two

I have a confession that’s a little embarrassing.  I’m 45 years old and I can’t be trusted with a box of Girl Scout cookies.

Homemade brownie bites
My homemade brownie bites

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I’m an emotional eater.  As it happens, I’m also a little compulsive about some things – like finishing things.  And by things, I mean boxes of cookies, containers of ice cream, bags of chips more than I mean household chores.

My son doesn’t have these food issues and for that, I am profoundly grateful.  He can take a bite or two out of a candy bar and walk away from it.  That amazes me.  I am compelled to eat the whole thing, then look for more.  I don’t know if that’s a compulsion or a sugar addiction.  In any case, don’t ask to share my Lion bar.  It’s not going to work out for you.

In my profile, I say that I’m a non-smoking smoker.  I see myself that way because, although I quit smoking six or so years ago, I smoked for the better part of 20 years.  On a really stressful day, I still feel like I could eat an entire pack – aluminum foil and all.  However, I choose not to and I make that choice every day.  If you’ve done it, you know that quitting smoking is no walk in the park.  The thing is, though, you don’t have to smoke to live.

You do have to eat to live.  Changing portion sizes, food selections and cooking methods are all well and good.  But temptation is still EVERYwhere.  I choose not to smoke; so, I can avoid smokey places, cigarette stores, situations where I once would have smoked.  I can’t avoid food.  And, c’mon, have you seen the snack aisle?!  Plus, my dieting doesn’t mean that my son should never have treats.  So, what to do?

In theory, I should be able to just NOT eat those cookies.  Um, yeah.  In reality, I swear they talk to me. “Eat me!  I’m right on top of the refrigerator.  Look up!”  As long as the bag is open, I hear them.  Ugh.  I’m fairly certain that I’m not the only adult who cannot walk past an open bag of snack mix.

The obvious solution is to stay completely away from temptation.  To do that, I’d never walk into a convenient store, Starbucks, or grocery store again.  Clearly, that isn’t an option.  I CAN just abstain from buying any treats.  Ever. For the rest of my life. Again, um, yeah.

The best snack solution is to keep lots of fruit, string cheese, yogurt, nuts and other healthful choices around.  And I do that.  I also keep 85% dark chocolate in the freezer and unbuttered popcorn in the cabinet.

However, I want to be able to enjoy ice cream, chips, cookies and the rest from time to time.  For those snacks, I’ve found a pretty workable solution. I buy single servings and I give away most of what I bake.

Skinny Cow, Edy’s, Ben & Jerry’s, and Haagen Dazs all make single serving containers (and, no, I’m not talking about pints).  We’ve all seen single serving chip bags as well as cookies at the deli.  Skinny Cow also makes low-calorie, single serve chocolate candies.  The cost per serving for treats packaged this way is higher, sure.  However, my largest concern with the snack issue isn’t my wallet as much as it is the size of the pants that wallet is in.

Move It

Black Labrador
Our Lab Trey

If you have a fat dog, you’re not getting enough exercise.

Doctors always tell you that to lose weight you have to change your diet AND exercise.  Now, let me let you in on something here: I hate to break a sweat.  Seriously.  Hate. It.  I don’t mind so much once I’m sweaty, but crossing that barrier just grosses me out something awful.  Plus, I would really rather just sit on the couch.  The sitting on the couch routine was killing me; so, it was time to adjust.

The truth is, my Labrador was a little chunky.   So, my exercise started with walking my dogs three times a week.  I started walking for 30 minutes at a moderate pace.  As the days passed, I added distance.  Then I added speed until the pups and I were walking 5 miles in 70 minutes.  The Lab and I were dragging at the end of that.  The Soup Hound was grateful for the warm up.  Nobody likes it when one of the party is that perky after such a workout.

I bought some yoga discs that I did at home once or twice a week.   I started slipping more accidental exercise – parking further from the door, taking my shopping cart all the way back in the store, that sort of thing – nothing particularly strenuous. Before I hurt my knee, I ran one day a week – 2.5 miles on the last time, I went to kickboxing three times a week, I used yard work as exercise one day a week and I went to the batting cages and driving range one day a week.  That day was a light exercise day; but, movement is movement.  It counted and it was fun.

As I told you, after I hurt my  knee, I went sedentary again.  However, I’ve joined one of those 24 gym places now and had my first workout with a trainer.  I couldn’t move afterwards.  It was discouraging.  BUT – I know that as I keep going and keep working, I will see results.

Walking, cycling and using the elliptical machines increase endurance.  Sit-ups, push-ups, and planks strengthen core and upper body.  Squats strengthen legs and rear.  These things will work.  I know they do – they did before.

The biggest challenge then – and now – is making myself go.  I can find a million reasons why I should do something other than exercise.  To be honest, I’m still struggling with that right now as I am more mobile.

What do you use to motivate yourself?