Feeling Groovy

January 30, 2015 dotyness Leave a comment

I suspect that my high school AP history teacher, Mr. Paterson, had a party going on in his head most of the time. He would constantly interrupt himself with non sequiturs and asides to the point that it was almost like listening to a rubber ball bounce off the walls of his mind. He loved history; so, to sit in his class was as informative as it was engaging. Anyway, I mention him because of today’s title – Feelin’ Groovy. The actual title of Simon and Garfunkel’s song was The 59th Street Bridge Song; but, everyone knew it as Feelin’ Groovy. Anytime Mr. Paterson would mention the song (which was more frequently than you might imagine in a history class), he would say, “Feelin’ Groovy, whoever that is….” As a result, I never think of the song without thinking of Mr. Paterson.

And, I think of him today as I am feelin’ pretty groovy myself.

I’m about a week and a half into my Recommitment and things are humming along nicely. I can actually feel where I have lost weight in my hands, my abdomen, my face, my thighs and my shoulders. I love that! In addition, my hunger pangs have all but disappeared. Some of that may have to do with how worried I’ve been about the pup; but, regardless, I feel less hungry. I’ve eaten tasty meals heavy on the veggies with some starch, grains, nuts and legumes thrown in for balance. I’ve enjoyed snacks of fruit that give me plenty of fiber and a little burst of sugar when I need it. I am sleeping more soundly and am waking with good energy. At work, I’m getting in plenty of walking; so, my exercise is covered, as well. As a result, I’m feeling stronger. So, it’s good things all around!

And I do mean ALL around. Trey actually ate some of his dinner out of my hand last night and he was hungry for more when I got home this morning.He’s got some pain meds that are helping him manage. While he is still approaching the rainbow bridge, at least he is more comfortable for now. He may even be feeling a little groovy.

Like I said: good things all around. So why wouldn’t I feel groovy? Do something good for yourself today and join me! (beads and flower headbands at your discretion)

Uncategorized

Gimmicking Our Health

January 29, 2015 dotyness 2 Comments

On Monday, I went to the library in search of The China Study by Dr. T. Colin Campbell. I heard about the book in the movie Forks Over Knives (a movie I recommend, by the way) and have been curious about it ever since. At it turns out, our library doesn’t have the book; however, they do have Dr. Campbell’s follow-up book Whole in which he explains his whole food plant based lifestyle in more depth. I checked that one out and am currently reading it. I’m impressed and intrigued so far.

But that’s not my point.

My point is that I had to dig through shelves and shelves of diet books to find this one. There are a bajillion diet books out there, each with its own gimmick or hook. Eat no carbs. Eat all carbs. Eat no fat. Pay no attention to fat. Eat like a caveman. Eat only popcorn. Eat raw foods. Whatever. There are any number of “experts” shelling out all kinds of advice to help us all to lose weight and look great. Terrific. We’ll all look great in our caskets since tragically few of these programs give two hoots about our overall health. Their aim is to make people lose weight. Period. Well, a hacksaw can help us lose weight – technically – but it won’t do a thing to make us healthier. And, who are these “experts” anyway?

I hadn’t heard of most of them, which is not terribly surprising. But looking over the books, the things that struck me most were that from the pictures, they all seem to have 64 teeth, and it didn’t seem that a single one of them that had been obese at any point in their lives. These were people who have never had a weight problem telling me how to lose weight. Now, I’m generally a little cranky and suspicious; so, when a woman who looks like a lollipop tells me how easily I can shed 30 pounds, I tend to react a little negatively. If someone is going to give me advice on how to travel down this road, on how to make this difficult journey, I’d like for them to have actually made the journey. Someone who has blazed the trail has valuable advice for me. Someone who has only read about it may make some good points, but, frankly, they’ve got nothing to say that I care to hear. After all, they have only theoretical knowledge. They’ve never had their boots on the ground.

Even though Dr. Campbell has never had a weight problem either, I ignore that since, for him, weight loss is, at best, a secondary goal of his lifestyle. The primary goal being, of course, good health. He’s a bona fide scientist and has arrived at this whole food plant based (WFPB) lifestyle as a result of 50 years of research and experimentation. His results upset the status quo and cost him a great deal over the course of his career. In addition, he and his extended family all observe this WFPB lifestyle and are just stupidly healthy. That says a lot to me.

This WFPB lifestyle may turn out to be just another gimmick. I’ll continue to investigate and let you know.

Relationships

Doing Right By An Old Friend

January 28, 2015 dotyness 2 Comments

I had planned to write today’s piece on yesterday’s excursion to the library; however, my heart is heavy on another subject. The library will just have to wait until tomorrow. Today, I want – no, I need – to talk to you about a friend of mine, our Labrador retriever, Trey.

I got the dog for Jaegar for Christmas the year my son was eleven. I had told him that we would not be getting another animal until my cat Isabeau died; but, since it didn’t look like Satan wanted her back, I caved and got him the puppy while she was still patrolling the house hissing and spitting. I had grown up with several dogs and a couple of cats, and I thought that every boy should grow up with a dog. So, a friend of a friend found this 2004 Christmas puppy in Lafitte, Louisiana, way down in the swamp. My son took one look at the wiggling black pup and dubbed him Blackie. (Skreech! Um, no. We are not having a black dog named Blackie. How boring!) I encouraged Jaegar to come up with a different name for the little guy and my son, being a huge Calvin and Hobbes fan, came up with Tracer Bullet after Calvin’s film noir alter ego. We called him Trey for short.

This adorable little puppy was a complete nightmare. He was impossible to housetrain and had horrible separation anxiety. In his crate, he would whine all night long. He alone has convinced me to never, never, NEVER again have a baby dog. That baby dog was nearly as much work as a baby human! The cat hated him. In spite of it all, he was pretty cute and I loved watching the boys wrestle around the floor or snuggle up to watch a movie. I was about at my wit’s end with him, though, until we found an obedience class. That helped tremendously! Well, it helped if I got the commands right. I worked with the dog for hours on forward, about turn, heel, stay, place (which he never really got) and halt. Halt, I said, not stop.

One night, I took our trash out and the 10-month-old Trey followed me in the fenced in yard. I pulled the gate to, but didn’t latch it since I was only going to be out there a few seconds and, besides, he always followed me along the fence line to the trash can, anyway, right? Wrong. He nosed the gate open, got out and ran for it. Oh, what fun! He had a game of chase on! Me, standing there yelling “stop!” Him racing down the alley towards Robert E. Lee Blvd. I’ll make a long story short. He made it across three of the four lanes of the road before a car hit him. The poor driver, who turned around when he heard me screaming, never saw this black pup at 9:45 that night. He knew he had hit something and he heard the screams; so, he came back. Wonderful man!

Three vet clinics, two surgeries and a week later, Trey came home. He had a broken leg, two broken ribs, a broken pelvis, a perforated diaphragm and a broken tooth. His game of chase was a very expensive one. Several people reminded me that it would have been cheaper to put him down and get another puppy. I couldn’t do that though – for two reasons: 1:. it was my fault he got out, and 2. he wasn’t crippled or brain-damaged. So, I paid through the nose and have been rewarded with a wonderful companion for ten years.

Recently, the pins used to repair his broken leg had to be removed since the femoral head they were anchored in had dissolved and the pins were painfully backing out into Trey’s muscle. He effectively has no joint for his right hind leg. His left hip is damaged to the point that it can’t really pull up the slack anymore; so, the old man is hardly able to get around. He has started urinating all over the house again for whatever reason; so, he has to sleep in the hated crate again. He still whines when he’s in there. I let him into the back yard each morning where he stays, lying in the leaves until it’s time for dinner. But, last night, he ate little of that and didn’t whine once after I put him in the crate, leading me to believe that my old friend is nearing the rainbow bridge. He is in great pain and I know that it will soon be time to help him cross that bridge – it will be my last loving act for this puppy, this dog, this old man who has been so precious to us.

And it breaks my heart.

Body Changes

And The Ref Blows The Call

January 27, 2015 dotyness Leave a comment

Okay, well, I called that one wrong. So, remember how yesterday I said that I didn’t anticipate seeing any or much weight loss for the week since I had REALLY blown up my calories just before starting? I was wrong and I couldn’t be more thrilled about it! I actually lost five pounds over the week. 🙂

How could I not have known that I had lost five pounds, you ask? Easy. I didn’t trust what I felt. I knew that my skin felt less tight and that I could feel more tendons around the backs of my knees than I could the week before; however, because I WANTED the weight loss to be there, I was afraid to trust that my perceptions were accurate.

I’m sure that a good deal of that loss was water weight and you want to know something? I don’t care. That water was making my skin feel too tight just as much as fat does; so, as long as I feel more comfortable in my skin, I don’t care what gets lost to make that happen – water, fat, whatever. In times past, I’ve been told that some of the initial weight loss is water, which is why I say that to you this morning. I don’t know if that is accurate or not, quite honestly. I need to do some more research; however, even if it is, isn’t it nice?

Being on a reduction diet isn’t fun. It isn’t as bad as many other things, but it’s no trip to Coney Island, either, you know? It’s kind of like being food grounded. I have to take care of my responsibilities without getting to do the fun stuff. It’s work to get my eating habit back in line with what they should be. It’s work to plan and prepare nutritionally sound and diverse meals and snacks that are tasty, as well. My sweet tooth pitches a fit. My digestive system pushes back. My cravings monster wants a tub of icing. And I have to overcome all of them. The sweet tooth gets plain herbal tea. My digestive system gets probiotics and fermented foods. My cravings monster gets a baked apple with raisins.

And I get a five pound weight loss!

I’ll take that reward and that missed call any day of the week!

Body Changes, Habits

Day 6 (And I’m Not Done Yet?!)

January 26, 2015 dotyness Leave a comment

So, today is Day 6 of my Recommitment and, no, I’m not there yet. But what a difference a week makes!

After work on the 18th, my friend Kent and I went for breakfast at IHOP. I had the all-you-can-eat pancakes and I ate seven. That’s six plus one with all kinds of butter and syrup. We did the same thing on the morning of the 25th; but, this time, I had the Simple & Fit veggie omelette with fruit. I went from a breakfast of an estimated 1650 calories on the 18th (all at one sitting. Yes! I know!) to a breakfast of about 320 calories on the 25th. And, guess what? I left there full both times. I went home and went comfortably to sleep without missing those 1330 calories. (I’ll tell you a secret. I didn’t calculate the 18th’s breakfast until just as I sat down to type and I’m still feeling nauseated by the knowledge that I ate all that. And, then, went right to bed! Even worse! Good grief.)

I’ve stayed within my calorie budget every day so far and am feeling really good about it. I won’t weigh until tomorrow when I’m one full week in; but, I’ll let you know what it shows. To be frank, I don’t expect to see any loss this week since my body still had all those excess calories from just the days before still lingering in my blood system, in my liver and in fuller fat cells.

That’s something I tend to forget easily (on account of I don’t want to think about it) – fat cells may empty but they never go away.

Fat cells – adipocytes – come in two or three different kinds: white and brown (which everyone agrees on), and pink (which is under debate). White fat cells are primarily for energy storage, while brown fat cells are used to generate heat (like in babies or in hibernating animals) and are primarily energy consumers. (Pink is in mammary tissue and I don’t know what it does.) Anyway, a healthy adult has somewhere in the neighborhood of 30 billion fat cells. Now, I’ve always heard that when fat cells reach their storage limit, they divide; however, Wikipedia is the only source I find that says that. Every other source says that the fat cells just continue to grow in size as long as we keep shoveling lipids into them. But, whether or not they make more is not as relevant as the fact that they don’t die and go away. They do regenerate so the fat cells I have today are not the ones I was born with; however, they don’t diminish in numbers. Only a plastic surgeon can get rid of some of those 30 billion cells. And, I’ll tell you the truth, the idea of liposuction is very tempting. Very. I mean, how nice would it be to have fewer of these cells to fill up?!

Nice, but it ain’t in the budget. Ima hafta do it myownself.

I can’t use my money budget to empty my body of any of these cells; so, I’ve got to use my calorie budget to empty some of the lipids from those cells, making them (and myself!) smaller. That process is going to take a whole lot more than six days.

But, I’m off to a solid start!

Accountability, Exercise, Food, Habits, Motivation

Two Days Later….

January 23, 2015 dotyness Leave a comment

Well, good morning, friends! It’s two days since I truly recommitted myself to taking care of my nutritional needs. As a by-product, of course, I’ll be shedding these pesky 20 pounds; but, the main goal here is to get back to eating healthfully, in a way that gives my body what it needs to be its best.

Using my old profile, I have started a new program on LoseIt! and it tells me that I should reach my goal in the middle of June – perfect for bathing suit weather! I entered my current weight into the program, along with my goal weight and the amount of weight I want to lose each week. It gave me a calorie budget to get to that goal. Right now, that budget is 1350 calories per day. However, as I lose weight, that number will decrease to keep me on track. Here’s the thing I have to remember, though: although my daily calorie budget will eventually be under 1200, I must eat at least that many calories each day to allow my body to function properly. If I dip below that, weight loss will slow. I will feel tired all the time. I will feel cold all that time. This is the voice of experience saying that weight loss dieters need to eat those 1200 to stay healthy. As I get further into the program and my calorie budget drops, I will have to ensure that I am exercising enough to stay within it.

For the last two days, I’ve been within that budget – yesterday, well within it. There are several different tasks I may be assigned any given night at work. Last night, I was given the most physically taxing one. I calculate that I walked anywhere from 13 to 15 miles over the course of my ten-hour shift. (And, honey, my bones are feeling every. single. step. right now.) Like exercise does, my long walk has left me hungry this morning. So, when I got home, I had a little 100 calorie snack because I don’t want to eat anything super caloric right before I go to bed.

Okay, scratch that.

I do want to eat something super caloric – like, say, oh a few chocolate glazed doughnuts from The Doughnut Palace – but, I’m not going to do that. So, yeah, I’d be lying through my teeth if I said that I’m not willing to sell a kidney for pastries right now. Indulging myself just wouldn’t be the smart thing for me to do since all of those calories would immediately go into storage. Likely on my thighs. And I’m into cleaning that storage unit out, not adding to it!

So, I’m going to drink a nice cup of herbal tea, brush my teeth and go give my body the rest that it needs.

(Psst! If you’re O+ and need a kidney, call me later!)

Body Changes, Cravings, Depression, Motivation

What Do I Know, Anyway?

January 22, 2015 dotyness Leave a comment

When I find myself with a set-back like the one I’m dealing with now – ugh – that negative little voice inside my head asks, “What do you know, anyway?” “Why should anyone pay any attention to what you have to say? After all, look at what you did!”

Yep. Look at what I did. I gave in to cravings and ate myself 20 pounds up the scale. It doesn’t matter if the cravings were the result of medication, 70-hour physically exhausting work weeks, heartache, or moon cycles. Those things may have caused the cravings but none of them drove me to the grocery store. None of those things bought the Tastykakes that I stuffed into my gob. Nope, I did that all by lonesome. I did it years ago and I did it this time, too. I failed myself.

But, it ain’t over yet!

I lost 94 pounds four years ago and I know how I did it. I know what worked for me and what didn’t. I know how to do it again. Here are a few things that I know without a doubt:

I cannot buy bread. I can’t buy it because I cannot be trusted with it. I will eat it plain or with something smeared on it to make it a sandwich. I will eat a butter sandwich rather than make a nutrient-dense meal that my body needs. I can’t do that if there’s no bread in the house; thus, I cannot buy bread.
I cannot be trusted with a family sized bag of chips. I will turn into a family of one and eat that bag all in one sitting. If I treat myself to chips, they must be in the tiny, single serving size.
I cannot open cans of mixed nuts while driving in the car. I will eat the entire can.
I am an emotional eater. I must deal with wayward emotions in another way, like going for a short walk, doing ten jumping jacks, meditating, or writing lists to figure out the source of the negative emotion. Eating to make it go away solves nothing.
I want the sugary snacks in the vending machines at work. Therefore, I must not take my debit card or cash to work.
I am a sugar addict. I must eat more fruit to combat the cravings my body assaults me with.
Each meal must consist of 75% vegetables.
I must move more. I don’t have to start by running a race. I can start the same way I did last time – by walking the dogs.
All food must be carefully measured, else the nine-serving box of cereal becomes a three-serving box.
Undocumented calories still count.
There is never undocumented exercise.
My food and exercise diary app is invaluable.
I deserve to have a body that functions properly.
I deserve to have a body I feel comfortable in.
I have way too many clothes in my smaller size to redo my wardrobe now!
I don’t want to redo my wardrobe.
I can do this.

So, as it turns out, I know lots of things. I just have to remind myself because there is a great, big, giant chasm between knowing and doing. And, yesterday, in setting a new goal in my LoseIt app and by logging all of my food and exercise, I began doing again.

Body Changes

Read the Fine Print

January 21, 2015 dotyness 2 Comments

In December, I shared with you that I was planning to have a permanent birth control procedure and that we were unable to actually do it due to some bizarre turn in my fallopian tubes. In November, I shared with you that I was struggling with a monster case of PMS and was on an eating binge. Also in November, and in preparation for that procedure, I was given a depo provera shot, which brings me to my point – I should have read more on the side effects of that shot.

Because I had to have it in preparation for the Essure thing, I didn’t give the shot two thoughts. Let’s do this thing! Time’s a-wastin’! I was ready to get on with it. I REALLY should have paid more attention. Three of the side effects are:

Depression
Changes in appetite
Weight gain

Yeah. I should have read up on that. Or at least asked around. Several people told me that they went through the same thing with the shot. One woman gained 80 pounds! O.M.G. (Now, to be fair, not everyone I talked to experienced weight gain. The ones who didn’t, I’m no longer talking to, just so you know. Harumph.)

As I’ve told you, I have dealt with depression before and I believe that the shot (in conjunction with a minor romantic flame-out that occurred at about the same time) sent me into a dark place. And what do I do when I’m in a dark place? That’s right! I eat!!! I park myself in the freezer section with a spoon. Well, then, add to that, the other two side effects of appetite change and weight gain, and I’ve got a real problem.

A 20 pound problem. Ugh.

So, here I sit, three months later with 20 extra pounds on my body. Stuff that hasn’t jiggled in ages is jiggling – like jiggling to the point that when I trotted at work the other night, I nearly gave myself whiplash. I can’t fit into my clothes. Even my stretchy clothes are yelling “Uncle!” at this point. Oh, y’all! This is soooohoho not good. Although I know that I’m not back into a size 20, I feel like it. I feel so fat and uncomfortable, it’s just disgusting. And, guess what! The appetite issue hasn’t really slowed down.

I can’t seem to feel full and the more sugary a thing is, the more I want it. I’ve even been eating things I don’t like. The other night I scarfed down a package of chocolate Zingers like someone was going to steal them. I don’t even like chocolate cake, yet I practically licked the packaging to get all the crumbs! I go to the store to buy healthful foods and I come home with great options. Then, when the pangs hit, I get back in the car and go buy junk food.

I started this blog with the intention of sharing with you how I initially lost weight and was keeping it off. It seems to me that I’ve spent less time doing that and more time sharing with you how I’m losing the weight that I’ve put back on – whether that’s five pounds or, now, twenty. Still, if we can honestly share that struggle together, then we can help each other overcome it.

So, hello. My name is Jon Anne and I am a binge eater with 20 pounds to lose. Who are you and what do you want from our time together?

Family

Toilet Paper, Towels and Tears

January 20, 2015 dotyness 1 Comment

After weeks of anticipation, my son was home for Christmas! Know how I knew? I walked into the bathroom and saw that empty roll. And, um, that doesn’t happen when it’s just me and the horde.

I had to laugh at this thing that drove me nuts when he was growing up, but which was such a welcome sight on the night of the 22nd. I knew that in short order there would also be no clean towels and that all of the used ones would be in his bedroom, somehow having made it completely under the bed. It’s Y chromosome towel sorcery, I’m sure of it. And, let me just make this clear – I loved it. Then again, he was here for only eleven days. After about 14 days of it, I’d probably have been ready to box some ears!

I’ve never been married or even lived with a romantic partner; so, my son is my only experience in dealing with the irritations that come with sharing space with someone you love every day for many years. I’ve had roommates, of course, some of whom drove me batty, others of whom I drove batty (that’s for you, Jeannie Kay). Now that my son has been away for a couple of years, I’ve gotten used to doing things my way, in my time. Having him home reminded me of dealing with another’s way and another’s time – a conversation I had with him some months ago regarding a minor dispute with one of his roommates.

At the time, he was working four jobs and, honestly, I don’t know when he slept! One night, he had cooked his dinner, but not washed up his dishes. One of his roommates was annoyed about this and said something to him about it. He was, in turn, annoyed at having been taken to task over something he would have gotten to in his own time. I don’t recall having this specific incident with any of my roommates; but, given my rather, um, freeform housekeeping style, it’s likely that I did. Being WAAAAAY on the other side of this conflict now, I asked him if the dishes that he didn’t wash were his or if they belonged to the house. “They belong to the house,” he said. “So,” I said, “when another person wanted to use these dishes, they had to come find you and get you to wash them before they could cook their own food. Is that about right?” “Well, when you put it that way….” he said.

As they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder and, sometimes, that’s true. Without him here, I forget all the little, really petty things about him that irritate me over time. And, hopefully, he forgets the little, petty things about me that irritate him, as well! So, after a year without his sweet little face in my house, I just looked at the empty roll, laughed and replaced it. Then, after the fastest eleven days in the history of time, I had to take him back to the airport and put him back on a plane that would return him to the adventure that is the life he is building.

But, unlike last year, this time, I left him with only a few tears and a giant hollow place in my chest. He returned to his adventure and I returned to the disappointment of toilet paper on the roll and a cabinet full of clean towels.

Family

My Favorite Guys

January 19, 2015 dotyness 1 Comment

I’ve been off the grid for a little over a month now and: 1. I can’t believe it’s been a whole month already!, 2. I hope you noticed, and 3. I hope you missed our visits as much as I have. While I haven’t sat down and written with my laptop, I’ve continued our visits by writing in my head. However, now that both peak season at work and my annual after-peak cold are done, I’m ready to sit down and type again.

As I shared with you in November, I was eagerly awaiting my son’s Christmas visit in December. He arrived home on the 22nd and I was so thrilled I could hardly stand it! My father was in Nashville that day for the funeral of a friend’s wife. As you know from our chats in July, my father has had a really rough year; so, he followed that really sad event with two happier ones: lunch with me and my cousin Laurie, and coming to the airport to welcome home the grandson he adores.

Dad and I waited at the seating area at Starbucks near the Terminal B concourse exit. Now, normally when I pick my son up, I wait in my car at the cell lot. He texts when he has his luggage and I drive up to the terminal, scooping him up from the Arrivals area. I hadn’t told him that this trip was going to be any different; so, I was excited to surprise him by being inside the airport and by having Papa with me. In fact, I was practically vibrating with the excitement.

Wouldn’t you know it, his plane was five minutes late. Curses!

Papa sat patiently at a table while I bounced on my cowboy booted toes looking down the concourse. Also waiting were a man, a woman and four children. That arrival party had signs and balloons, which was both sweet and adorable. I imagine that their people were touched by the welcome. Still, all I could think was, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, you’re cute. You’re also in my way. So, move it. I’m waiting on my boy and you’re blocking my view.” I was considering how many of the group I could move with a few well-placed elbows when their people arrived and they moved of their own accord. Incident averted!

I continued to bounce on my toes for several minutes before I saw the tall, thin, ginger man coming towards me. He expected me to be outside; so, I got to watch and appreciate the man my son has become for a few minutes before he noticed me. He is thinner, taller and more adult than ever. My baby is solidly grown. I was wistful for that instant; but, when he finally saw me bouncing there, I saw that my baby still loves his mama and all was right with the world again. After I finally let go of him, I told him that I’d left something at my table – Papa.

Watching the two of them embrace, I thought of all their adventures together. Over the years, there have been many: fishing, hunting, building, caving, rafting, other chest-thumping-guy-stuff and just talking. We had no fanfare; but, right there, I had a welcome far better than poster board and balloons – my two favorite guys.

The Daily Doty

Monthly Archives: January 2015